I mentioned in this post, culminating some of my favorite looks from 2014, that this year would be transitional one for me. I said that with hope, more than anything, but I hadn’t exactly “made any moves” yet. A few days later, I was looking at my schedule for the month of January and just immediately said “no” to myself in my head. It looked too familiar, the same exhausting familiar calendar I had gotten so used to seeing. Almost every single month of 2014 was overwhelming and the thought of another month going by running myself ragged was just too much. I decided that something had to be done, that something had to change, and that I would finally have to take the advice I so freely give to everyone with a dream: “Don’t talk about it, be about it.”
At 6:45am this morning, I will clock in for my last shift as a Neurosurgical Progressive Care nurse, and I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. I am excited to feel the weight of having “so much going on” to be lifted off my shoulders the minute I clock out. I am excited to be my own boss. I am excited to be able to spend more time with my friends and my family, and to enjoy their big moments like weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, and small moments like dinners, movies, wine nights, etc. I’m excited to not be consumed with “busy-ness”. I’m excited to have a little bit more down time. I am excited to see my Fish man more. However, I have to pay tribute to this wonderful profession of nursing. I have always always considered it a huge honor to walk in to a patient’s room and introduce myself as their nurse … that I could take care of them for the day, helping to facilitate their plan of care, while also helping them understand what it is that is going on with them so that they feel less anxious and less scared, educating them on how they can take care of themselves better when they leave, while also helping their loved ones understand what’s going on and what the plan is so that they feel less anxious and less scared. And, not only that, but to laugh with them and get to know them, learn about them, and learn from them … it’s a beautiful and precious honor. The hospital is not a glamorous place … it’s a very human place, a very vulnerable place … but, to be honest, I like all things human. I like the vulnerable, the tough, the sensitive, the uncomfortable. If you can’t show me your heart, I’m going to have a hard time understanding you. Being in the hospital forces tough people’s brick walls to crumble, forcing them to really feel, and it’s a scary thing for most. I’m going to sincerely miss experiencing these very human moments, these scary moments, with my patients and their families … when I’m sitting with them on their bed as they tell me how they lost their loved one and how it’s been hard since; or when they met Jesus; or how their children won’t help them manage their medications and they know they don’t remember things as well as they used to; or how they think they’re going to navigate through the decision of whether to try chemotherapy again; or how they’re going to decide whether or not to stay on a blood thinner and risk falling and bleeding to death or not take it and risk having a stroke; or how they met the love of their life (my personal favorite!) etc. Being a nurse has gifted me an enormous perspective on life, and love, and loss that I may not have been able to gain otherwise, and it is a perspective I am truly grateful for. It has helped me see God’s love when, on some days, it was really tough to see and it has taught me how to love people better … how to open up your heart and your arms to people, in whatever condition they are presenting in, and to just love them and serve them like crazy.
So, why the heck am I leaving if I love this unglamorous, yet beautiful, place …. for, what seems like, a super glamorous job like blogging? Well, for one, I’m “busy” for a reason. I am driven by passion. I know that everything in life is a choice. If I wanted to choose to spend more time with my friends and my family this past year, I could have made those choices, but I love what I do, and sometimes, when you have a dream, you have to make sacrifices to see them through. Y’all, I have so much fun putting this little blog together, and I’m so excited that those sacrifices were made because now I’m on the other end of it. I’m finally to the point where I can make this choice to do what I love, and have a passion for, and also spend time with the people I love more often! I want to thank YOU so much for taking the time to visit the blog when you do, however often you do. It means a lot. The wonderful thing about blogging is that I can still love people, right where they’re at. It’s definitely a little different, but I’m thankful that I can still honor God in my work by serving His people. And … the wonderful thing about nursing is … I can always go back 🙂 I fully intend on keeping my licensure requirements up, but am seriously excited to “be about” Sequins & Things this year! [Be sure to read the quote below … it is what made me feel completely reassured in my decision! With God on my side, I’ve got all I need!]
[the quote on a billboard that I read on my way to go put in my two weeks notice as I was starting to lean into my own fear and anxiety; I call these “God winks” when God is totally flirting with you!]