Some Notes For My Ladies Navigating Singleness

Hi, ladies! Happy almost Valentine’s Day! I’m writing today’s post because I know a lot of amazing women out there reading this or who follow me on Instagram are in a season of singleness, and, well, sometimes there isn’t enough thought for the single ladies on Valentine’s Day. So I want to say that I see you, I feel where you’re at on your journey right now and there is absolutely no shame in it. I’ve shared about singleness on Alyson Haley before and actually had my best friend, Whitney, contribute this post a few years ago all about embracing that time in your life. However, I know Valentine’s Day can be its own beast so I wanted to be sure to specifically take some time to show some love and support to any of you girls feeling extra heavy as we head into Valentine’s Day weekend.

Personally, something I liked to do when I was single, and even now as it relates to other topics, was find quotes that validate and put into words exactly how I was feeling when I couldn’t find the words. Since that’s always been really cathartic for me, that’s what I did for y’all today and I truly hope you find some comfort in them. Pin them, screenshot them to your phone or desktop, bookmark this blog post, whatever you need to do so you have them when you need a reminder that you’re not alone and, even if you don’t know where your path will lead you, there’s still such a rich, fulfilling life to look forward to. Love you, girls!

Quotes I’ve Gathered Throughout The Years

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One of the most frustrating things I encountered when I was single was people saying “He’s out there!” or “You’ll have your happy ending someday!” because exactly like this quote says, no one knows for sure how your story ends. But it also highlights how many amazing connections you’re making right now – love connections or friendship connections – that you can’t even see. It’s such a great reminder, I think, that the best connections happen, usually, without you even realizing or planning for it AND, sometimes, being single opens you up to connections you may miss had you been enamored by HIM or HER.

EXAMPLE – While I was on the journey of figuring out how to make it to London, I said yes to meeting up with a follower of mine on Instagram. She and her husband had lived here for about 15 years and are originally from Texas. They love London the way I do and know the desire to be somewhere, even though you love where you’re from. They became good friends of mine and offered support that I didn’t know I would need on this journey. I met my immigration lawyer through them and turned to them for advice during the hardest moments on the road to calling London home. I actually went to dinner with them the night before meeting John but what if I had met John before meeting them? My visits would have been consumed with John because I’m not always here so I would prioritize time with him over meeting new people. I cannot even imagine navigating the last couple of years without these dear friends. They came over last weekend to drop off a gift and assure me that they are on call for us if we need anything after baby comes. They are my home away from home, if that makes sense … the older brother and sister I never had. So, just remember – even though singleness has it’s frustrations … it opens you up to people that are meant for you, even if not romantically!

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The beautiful thing about being single is being able to become the best, strongest and most confident version of yourself. Being married or in a relationship doesn’t automatically equal having that so being able to become the strongest version of yourself first is something so important to remember and focus on during your season of singleness.

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Truly, from my heart to yours, if you’re struggling right now. You’re so brave and don’t ever forget it. I promise the pain that you feel during this season sometimes, the hopelessness that comes with realizing the latest interest just isn’t ‘him’ / ‘her’, will pass. Meeting your person can be SO obvious and it will make this season make sense. I promise.

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Feeling amazing in your own skin and having confidence in your path will only make you a better partner, so fill your own cup up as much as possible before worrying about filling someone else’s.

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I love the last bit of this one – “let your Ever After work itself out.” For me, this speaks to having faith and that things will work out as they’re meant to and serves as a great reminder that I can’t control everything.

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I think this quote speaks for itself and is especially great if you’ve just been through a breakup or are contemplating a move – all these times of hardship and uncertainty will help you to “continue to become more and more of who you were meant to be.”

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When I think about settling, I think about the amazing life I have now that I could have missed out on had I settled for something “easier” or more convenient at the time. Of course, that’s easy to do in hindsight, but that’s why I think it’s so important to use your single season to truly figure out what it is you want, so when/if the time comes to get married or move in or whatever the next step might be for you, you’re crystal clear on what you actually want.

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This quote really speaks to my personal experience. In the hard moments, and the times when I felt down and was asking “when”, God provided such a strong shoulder and guidance for me and reminded me this life is for me … even if my story looks different than yours. It’s mine, and I love it. I want the same thing for you in whatever it looks and feels good for you.

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There’s something about being single past a certain age that makes us girls feel like we’ve done something wrong, but truly, TRULY, we have not. And recognizing that is so important. Give yourself permission to get past that mindset and be OK with where you’re at.

Encouraging Words From My Years Of Singleness

When I reflect back on my years of singleness [I didn’t meet John until I was 33], especially in my 30s, to be really honest, there were times it felt like being at the bottom of a hole you really have no chance of getting out of. You can be the most positive person, who typically has a very cheery outlook, but it can still be really tough, especially as your longing for love / a relationship / a family grows and grows over time. It can feel isolating at times, as well. I remember when I was still in Jacksonville, I had found a church home and I was meeting all of these really sweet girls my age who all seemed to connect a little more with each other because they had significant others. I’d see photos from barbecues and beach days of a bunch of couples together on Facebook and, while I didn’t take personal offense to it, I did feel a bit like my singleness was holding me back from community.

More than that, you’re seeing engagements, pregnancy and birth announcements, baby and bridal shower photos, etc. that inadvertently remind you of what you don’t have. You should experience joy and happiness that so many people you know and love are experiencing those really special moments in life, and you are, but as the years go by, it does get increasingly harder, especially as the people sharing those updates are much younger than you. You start to wonder ‘will I ever have one of those? .. a bridal shower? an engagement shoot? … will I ever experience the joy of seeing a positive pregnancy test?’

But, despite all of the feelings I had, I learned that it’s important to be picky. You should know what you’re looking for. You should have your list of non-negotiables. You should know what you’re not willing to compromise on because forever is a long time to deal with aspects or traits of a person you weren’t wanting in your life to begin with, which is so much of what these quotes encourage. Love yourself, know yourself and know that when a special connection does come along, you’ll be able to recognize it because you’ve spent time figuring out the kind of people you want to let in your life. I read something recently about singleness and I can’t find the exact quote but it’s basically:

“If it’s not a hell yes, then it should be a hell no.”

I hope this brought some light to your Valentine’s Day if you’re celebrating solo this year. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” xo.

thoughts?

1 Comment

  1. Brittany wrote:

    Aww, this is beautiful.. I was so SO single until I was 30 and man, those years can be tough. Thanks for sharing these thoughts!

    Published 2.15.21 · Reply