black and blue

well, i’m back, and today’s title could not be more fitting.
in terms of style, my newest obsession has been shades of blue paired with black.
and, of course, you know i love to mix patterns, so i’m slightly obsessed with this outfit.
in terms of life, however, my heart has taken a beating,
and turned completely black and blue.
my mom unexpectedly passed away on saturday, september 28th.
i was watching ‘what not to wear’ with her just the night before.
we usually watch our favorite, ‘say yes to the dress’ on friday night’s,
but i had gotten home late from work so i missed it.
she was annoyed that it had been a repeat, anyway.
so, while stacy and clinton let these identical twins know
about how awful their personal style was,
we talked about my horrendous day at work and
she told me about a conversation that she had had with my brother.
i went to bed not long after, and she came in,
like she always did, to say goodnight to ‘her girl’ and my dog, fish.
the next morning, i was on my way to work, and had to stop due to a flat tire.
i called work to let them know, and they encouraged me to figure out a way
to still come in because they were already short a nurse.
i called my dad, and asked if he and my mom could come to my rescue.
they got there thirty minutes later, like they were wearing superhero capes or something.
they had with their morning coffee in hand
and were just pumped and ready to takeover for me.
i hugged them both goodbye, thanked them,
and went on to work in my mom’s car.
i texted them both at 9:30, asking them how it was all going
and thanking them again for being so helpful.
i didn’t get a response, which i didn’t necessarily question because,
as a nurse, my mind is kept pretty occupied.
about an hour later, my dad and brother walk on to my unit,
where i’m sitting at a computer teaching a new nurse how to enter an order in.
naively, i greet them with a cheery “well, heyyyy! what are y’all doing here?”,
not even questioning why my brother might be with him.
my dad gave me a half-smile, and waves me over to talk to him in the hallway.
i thought he might need my insurance card?
maybe triple A wasn’t going to cover the cost of the tire?
instead, he put his hands on my shoulders and says
“haley … your mom was in an accident …”
by this time, i’m looking at him,
with full fledged fear in my blue eyes,
shaking my head,
thoughts racing,
pleading with my Savior,
“God, please tell me this is not happening,
no .. no .. please, God, no”.
And my poor dad,
with tears in his eyes,
confirmed it,
my biggest fear,
“… and, she didn’t make it.”
i can’t tell you how surreal that moment was,
how almost impossible it was for me to wrap my mind around.
the flood of thoughts that filled my head was overwhelming in itself,

as i managed to call out to my assistant nurse manager to tell her what happened:

“what do you mean ‘she’s gone?’, i just saw her.”

“oh my God, if i hadn’t had a flat tire, she would still be alive.”

“i wish i had hugged her longer this morning.”

i was drowning in them.
i couldn’t even cry.
have you ever heard people say they were ‘numb’ to something?
i had, but never really known what that felt like,
because, the truth is, i’m a very emotional person,
very in touch with my feelings,
and have no hesitation in showing them.
so, it almost seemed impossible for me to ever experience that.
but, i was.

i was numb.

i walked off my unit, into the elevator, and through the hospital in a haze,
still trying to convince myself that there was hope that my reality could change.
‘what hospital is she at?,’ i asked my dad.
‘she’s not. she’s at the medical examiner’s office,’ he responded.
to say that that solidified the reality of the situation …
… is a pretty significant understatement.
it was real.
my sweet, freckle-faced momma,
who was wearing her favorite fsu t-shirt not three hours before,
was now jesus’ newest angel.


outfit details | shirt: j.crew factory {similar here, here, herehere} | skirt: forever21 [similar] | bow tie: asos
bracelets: jcrew, stella & dot | heart ring: forternal | ‘h’ ring: gorjana & griffin | arrow ring: stella & dot earrings: jcrew [similar herehere] | purse: michael kors | sunnies: karen walker ‘super duper’
booties: gianni bini, old {similar here, herehere, here, here} | watch: michael kors
there is so much more i am willing to share,
but with so much to say, i will split it up between a few posts.
thanks for stopping by, and i hope you have a great day!
with love and sequins,


xo | it is by god’s grace that we have been placed in the path of all of you, near and far, who have offered my family and i your love, prayers, and condolences. from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

“For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son,
so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.”
John 3:16

“The Lord hears his people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalms 34:17, 18

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
Winnie the Pooh



  1. wrote:

    I found your blog today literally out of the blue, and I was sitting on my bed reading your faith section tears just started streaming down my face. Everything in your post moved me from your writing style that actually made imagine the scene as if I was there and I knew you and Julie. 🙁 I'm so terribly sorry for your loss as a daughter I couldn't imagine a life without my mama… Then to just have her taken away from me so abruptly would tear me into a million pieces but like you said God was there and he was ready to make her his newest angel. The fact that you were able to give her that last hug that you may not have gotten if you wouldn't have had a flat tire shows the strength of faith and what God puts in our lives even when we don't understand why sometimes. I'm writing this comment while still crying which may be somewhat of an excuse of why my words aren't put the way I would like them to be. Regardless I want you to know that you have a lot of love out there in this world and up above in Heaven with your mama, God, and Jesus watching over you!! Thank you for opening up and sharing this piece with us… I can't say I have read another blog post that has touched my heart the way yours has. Even your photos in this piece show your feelings things your expression I will continue to keep up with your blog and so happy that I came across it. You are extremely elegant which shows in the way you piece your outfits together!!

    Sending endless amounts of love your wayyyy!!!!

    Roxanne Carmen

    Published 11.5.14 · Reply
  2. Miss Joyce wrote:

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    Published 7.9.14 · Reply
  3. mary-katherine wrote:

    well i am crying at work now. i am so so so sorry for your loss but know that the lord is holding your mom and your family tightly.
    that was the most beautifully well-written post.

    Published 10.24.13 · Reply
  4. Hannah @ Just Call Me HaHa wrote:

    I've taken a bit of a social media break recently but saw your IG last night and caught up on your blog today. My heart pours out to you, your brother, and your dad; all of those who knew and loved Julie. She sounds like a wonderful woman and she's still there by your side. Keep the faith.

    Published 10.18.13 · Reply
  5. sweeks wrote:

    Sweet girl, I am praying for you and your family and I know that our Lord and your faith will see you through this tragic life event. I am so very sorry for your loss. – Seana

    Published 10.12.13 · Reply
  6. Cierra Nicole wrote:

    I read this in tears. Nothing can be said to comfort you at this time. Just stay close to your family and your Savior. I pray you feel the love and support of the people who truly care about you. I am so sorry… I will keep you in my prayers. My heart goes out to you. xox

    Published 10.11.13 · Reply
  7. Monica Nicole wrote:

    I am a recent follower & tears flooded my eyes as I read this post. I can't imagine what that was like or what you are still going through. I know nothing anyone says will help but I am praying for you, your family & your mom's soul. I hope you find comfort in sweet memories & God's healing power. I know she is looking over you forever now, my heart is with you <3 xoxo

    Published 10.11.13 · Reply
  8. Taylor Johnson wrote:

    Lifting you & your family up in prayer this morning! So sorry for your loss!��

    Isaiah 41:10 NIV; So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

    You are such a strong godly woman who is such an inspiration! We are all here for you girl!

    – Taylor –

    Published 10.11.13 · Reply
  9. Careyanne wrote:

    Haley!!! I am so sorry for your loss. I am incredibly close to my mom and I can't imagine losing her. Continual prayers for you and your family, Xx.

    Published 10.11.13 · Reply
  10. Lauren Johnson wrote:

    I read your blog this morning and have struggled all day with the right words to say. And truth is, everything I type just isn't conveying my thoughts correctly. I know we aren't close, but your mom passing (and your amazing strength through it) has hit me so hard. Haley, I wish I could take your pain away. Your faith in our Lord is so admirable. It may sound crazy, but I pray for you and your family daily. And because of that, you've made my faith so much stronger. You're such a beautiful person, inside and out. Your momma is definitely watching over you with a huge smile on her face.



    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
  11. Linda O. wrote:

    Haley, I lost my dad two years ago and it was definitely the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. If not for God's grace and mercy I would still be drowning in grief and sadness. Your strength and faith is an inspiration to all your readers. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I will pray that God wraps your family with his love as you go through this difficult time.


    Workplace Chic

    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
  12. Bianca Roman wrote:

    my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. i couldn't imagine losing my mom, but she's in a good place. and thank you for sharing something so personal, it really does mean a lot to us (as readers)


    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
  13. Carri wrote:

    oh haley, i'm so sorry.. I have goosebumps reading this. your mom is an angel now and with God, there's no better place to be. your faith has astounded me since you've been through this. you are such an amazing woman after God's heart. I've been praying for you and your family. God doesn't give you more than you can handle and it's so amazing to hear that your Dad has been asking to come to church. Big hugs to you!


    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
  14. Jacy wrote:

    Haley, I am so so sorry for your loss. Lean on your relationship with God in this difficult time, and trust in him rather than blaming yourself. I can't imagine how hard it is to cope with how unexpected her passing was, but know that she is in a wonderful place. Sending love and prayers your way! xoxo


    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
  15. Jen wrote:

    I am literally crying here in my office. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. You are so strong – i dont know if i could be that strong. Like you, my mom is my best friend, and I just dont know what I would do without her. I know you are being watched by one very special angel.

    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
  16. Elizabeth wrote:

    i am so sorry for your loss; i can't imagine life without my mother. you are extremely strong and i will be praying for you and your family!

    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
  17. Chelsea wrote:

    Oh Haley, I'm so deeply sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now and my heart just breaks for your family. Hopefully you are comforted knowing that God just needed your momma up there a little sooner than you were ready for. His plan in mysterious, and though it can be hard to understand sometimes, I just know that she is in better place. Prayers and hugs your way beautiful girl!

    Chelsea & The City

    Published 10.10.13 · Reply
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  25. Belinda Adame wrote:

    I’m a momma to two daughters that I love so dearly… I cannot imagine .. I’m so sorry.. I truly am.. I’m not just saying it lightly either.. I’m sorry and I ask right now that God our savior will take u in his loving arms and feel that void if it’s possible.. if you need anything or just another mom to talk to I’m here .. my insta name is @maurosspice

    Published 4.2.18 · Reply
    • AlysonHaley wrote:

      Hi Belinda! Thank you so much. That is very kind of you to take the time to comment. Unfortunately, nothing and no one can fill the void that is left with her absence but He does comfort me when I need it. I will certainly reach out if I ever need anything 🙂 Appreciate you! xo.

      Published 4.2.18 ·