You guys are probably as shocked as I am about the fact that you’re reading [and I’m writing] a post about being pregnant but … alas, here we are! Guys … I AM PREGNANT! It still blows my mind. I still feel like there’s no way I could possibly be at this point in my life, that it’s my turn but, again, here we are, and while I’m absolutely terrified … this baby is already so deeply loved and I am beyond excited to finally have this news out there and to share this chapter in my life with all of you!
Okay, where do I even begin? I feel like we have so much to go over in this post and usually I know exactly how I want to beautifully divide up each topic but, today, I don’t know … I feel a bit overwhelmed, ha! Let’s start with the basics and then we’ll get into details …
I am 14 weeks and 6 days today and I am due March 8, 2021.
Now, on to everything else …
HOW / WHEN WE FOUND OUT
Let’s back up to the month of July. We had just moved into our new place. Boxes were everywhere. I was uploading YouTube videos keeping you guys in the loop on the move as well as continuing to keep the blog and IG stories updated. I was spending multiple hours a day researching, coordinating and managing the boys’ move to the UK on top of trying to get as many boxes unpacked as possible before they arrived. After welcoming them to their new ‘home’, I basically hit a bit of a wall. I remember telling you guys that, instead of writing and sharing the Friday Five, I was going to spend the day cuddling with the boys. I ended up sleeping a good majority of the day which I chocked up to me putting so much mental energy into getting the boys here and all that it had taken to get moved into our new place. I thought maybe the rest was just something my body needed. [For reference, this was Friday, July 10th]
Fast forward to the next week, and although I had had the energy to do quite a few normal things [picnic in the park with friends, going to get Botox and my nails done, etc], there was always an underlying feeling of fatigue. I was also losing motivation to tackle things I normally do / would. I would also get overwhelmed at the thought of new tasks. For example, John hated the lights that we had in our living and dining room areas in the new home. He mentioned that he’d like to get them switched out in a few weeks’ time [before we had people over for a small barbecue at ours] and I remember that was extremely overwhelming for me, which was weird because that’s not something that would normally overwhelm or annoy me. I think it was because 1. I knew that it was something that I’d need to spend time looking for and 2. I just barely had the energy to do normal tasks and get them done. This was when I started to think something weird was going on. I had also had a fleeting feeling of nausea one afternoon but it went away quickly so I brushed it off.
On Thursday [the 16th], I woke up extremely, extremely exhausted after sleeping 9 hours. I got up to go make coffee and I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I let the boys out, go to grab the oat milk, and had an overwhelming warmth rush over me and my eyesight started to feel super sensitive to light. I needed to lay down or I was going to pass out. So, I do and I told John how weird that was. This was when the thought of potentially being pregnant hit me but I truly doubted it so I just brushed it off. I think I was in denial.
It subsided and I try to push through. I go sit at the table in our living room, open my laptop to attempt to get some work done and I just … didn’t have any energy to entertain anything in front of me. I went in to the second bedroom, where John was working, and I just started crying really hard. Like, I haven’t cried like this in … a really long time. I told him that every day this week I have felt so off and unlike myself. I thought maybe it was because we were in a new place and I was struggling to adjust to this new life. I wasn’t exactly sure what was wrong. Normally, I’m someone who handles change very well so these feelings were so strange and out of the ordinary for me … which was confusing and frustrating. All I knew was that I was a mess and I didn’t know why and it was started to really affect me.
I told John that I’m either experiencing some sort of mild depression [I do not say this lightly] or I am pregnant. We didn’t have any pregnancy tests so John took me to get one. On the way, I remember thinking … there’s no way I’m pregnant. There’s absolutely no way but let’s just rule it out so I can at least know I might need to find a therapist to walk through how I’m feeling.
So, we get one that comes with two where you find out in 45 seconds. That’s perfect because I don’t wait well. I take it and I’m teaching myself what to look for. One line – not pregnant. Two lines [no matter how faint the second line is] – pregnant.
First line, very pink. And a faint second line.
WHAT.
I show it to John and ask him if I’m seeing things.
He agrees there is a line.
I leave it for five minutes, convinced it’ll go away.
I come back.
It’s darker.
This can’t be right.
I tell John we are going back to the store because I need it to be more clear.
We get ClearBlue tests that say ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’, which take 3 minutes. They also say how far along you are up to 3 weeks.
For the record, three minutes feels like a lifetime when you’re extremely nervous you’re going to see the same result.
And I do.
PREGNANT, 3+ weeks.
John came in and I showed it to him. He looked at me, clearly shocked but trying to conceal his happiness while searching my face for any hint of how I feel, and I just started crying. He pulls me in to him, gives me the biggest bear hug, and assures me that everything is going to be okay. I was sad because I always imagined that I would be over-the-moon and extremely excited to find out I was pregnant and here I was overwhelmed with … fear … and not just of one thing but many.
I pulled away from John, composed myself a little and asked him how he felt about it and he was like ‘honestly? I know this wasn’t planned and it’s scary but this is the best news of 2020. I’m personally really excited!’. I hugged him again because, even though I was still really freaked out, I needed one of us to be excited. Buried deep down, I knew that this was exciting news. I just had a lot I needed to process before really getting to that emotion.
DISCLAIMER: Pregnancy can be such a happy topic but it can also be a very sensitive topic and, while I may not do this perfectly, I want to do my best to be respectful to those whose experiences were different to mine. With that said, I don’t want to withhold my honest experience because I do believe that sharing your experience can help someone else out there feel less alone. When it comes to family planning, fertility, conception, pregnancy, postpartum, miscarriage, etc., there are so many out there looking to find other people who have had similar experiences because they are topics we typically aren’t super open about unless it’s extremely positive. So, please know … my honesty isn’t meant to be insensitive. My heart truly goes out to anyone who is currently struggling to conceive. Please know it is NOT lost on me how difficult conceiving a child is for so many and that the beautiful blessing I am carrying is something so many are hoping to celebrate for themselves one day. While fear was my first initial reaction, it does not mean that I never made it to the feelings of gratitude. I talk more about this later.
I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE ALL WONDERING: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
I know you guys know the answer to this question. We all know how babies are made. But, I’m sure you’re wondering how this happened and why it happened when … [I know you’re all thinking it] … John and I aren’t married. In the UK, marriage isn’t seen as a necessary precursor to starting a family with someone and I know there are many in the States that feel the same way. However, traditionally speaking, many people do. In my mind, I always thought I’d get married before I had kids. I’ll get more into this eventually but, let me just answer the question from a more literal standpoint first.
Truthfully, when I came to the UK, I only brought one months’ worth of my birth control with me because I fully expected to go back to the States at the end of March and refill my prescription. That would give me three months’ worth to use and plenty of time to get in to my new general practitioner [my GP, as they are called here] to get a new prescription through the NHS [the UK’s health system]. But … Covid had other plans.
When I ran out and realized I wasn’t going back to the States to fill said prescription, I could have gone to a GP in Fleet, where we were living prior to our move to London. That was available to me but, remember, this was in the height of Covid — back in April. At the time, we were encouraged to stay home as much as possible and there was a lot of talk about not overwhelming the NHS so I decided to hold off. We were careful especially around certain times of the month in between my period. However, clearly … there was some room for improvement in the ‘careful interventions’ we were putting in place for birth control, ha, because yeah … sometime in June, we conceived a baby. It feels weird to be so open about this part of my life and I think that’s more than enough. I’m going to leave it there.
MY FIRST TRIMESTER EXPERIENCE
Gosh, where do I even begin? I feel like I have so much to share.
First, I guess I’ll say … I was VERY naive to what the experience of the first trimester of pregnancy would be like. I knew it could involve morning sickness but, as the term insinuates, I thought that was something that subsided [I can hear almost everyone whose been pregnant before laughing]. I also knew it was a very sensitive time as the risk for miscarriage is at its highest so I knew that pregnancies are typically kept quiet until you reached your second trimester. That was literally my only understanding of it. [Remember, it’s been over ten years since I learned about it in nursing school] I had seen plenty of fellow bloggers share their big pregnancy news and I literally had no idea because they were able to hide it so well on their instagram and stories, taking trips, and staying just as present online as they normally do, etc.
So, my experience kind of threw me.
In hindsight, I think it should be said that I have a lot to be thankful for. There were many things I did not experience that would probably have made it worse but, for me, this experience was tough.
When we first found out, I was very lost and very overwhelmed. So many thoughts … so many questions …
‘How far along am I?’
‘When was my last period?’
‘Is this really happening? I’m not ready’
‘Am I really equipped to do this? To be a parent?’
‘Who am I supposed to make an appointment with here? I don’t have a general practitioner let alone an OB.’
‘I always thought I’d have a baby after I got married. Oh my gosh, people are going to be so judgmental & nasty.’ [sadly, this is the one that felt the heaviest]
‘This house is wonderful but this isn’t where I would have picked if I knew we were pregnant.’
‘When am I due?’
‘How am I going to do this?’
‘I never imagined that this would be how my story unfolded.’
‘I want my Mom.’
‘Is this a dream?’
‘I thought I’d own a home before I had a baby with plenty of room. This home is wonderful but there’s not a room for a nursery.’
‘What do I do next?’
‘Does this mean I won’t be able to travel anymore? I am going to miss traveling!’
‘I still need my Dad on the phone when I go see an insurance person and when I buy a car. I essentially still need someone to parent me sometimes. How in the world am I going to be responsible for parenting someone else?’
‘How could I let this happen?’
‘This is not how I imagined this moment was going to look.’
‘John and I have only been together for a year and a half. He IS my future husband. I know he is. I don’t doubt anything about us but, I thought we’d have more one-on-one time together making memories together before we had kids.’
‘Oh my gosh, I got Botox the other day not-to-mention I had a little too much wine on multiple occasions lately.’
‘I’m hungry. I’ll make a sandwich. Wait … cold cuts. I feel like I’ve heard that’s not allowed. What are the rules?!?’
You get the picture. AND YOU GUYS KNOW I’M A CONTROL FREAK … A PLANNER. This was Earth-shattering for someone like me.
With all of this so heavy on my mind and heart, I basically unraveled and had a meltdown. ** hello hormones!! ** I’ve always been someone who has to let their emotions out. I can’t just tuck them away and ignore them. I have to talk things out and, once I have, the load feels so much lighter. Thankfully, John is such a great support and I have such great friends who just let me get it all out and offered so much amazing insight that is sometimes hard to get to when you’re emotionally and mentally overwhelmed.
So, clearly emotional and a bit moody were two of my symptoms, hah!
Aside from that, I had the lightheadedness and nausea in the mornings for two or so weeks. Glad that didn’t last the whole time.
My sense of smell became extremely sensitive. We had mold develop in our master bathroom at this time and I could literally smell it even if the door was closed. I also could barely handle the smell of the boys. They don’t smell terrible by any stretch but, there was something about their smell that I could almost not handle. Thank goodness they’re cute or else I wouldn’t have been able to be around them!
My taste for things also changed. John brought me an iced honey latte in bed a few mornings after we found out and I turned my nose up at it after taking a sip. It just didn’t do it for me and you know it takes SOMETHING BIG for me to say that. I love my iced honey latte’s! The next day, John was making himself a coffee, and I couldn’t handle the smell! I was never so glad that he typically prefers tea over coffee, ha! I also couldn’t handle red meat. I found this out when we went to a really nice Brazilian steakhouse for John’s birthday. I typically love steak but I took one bite of mine and was so turned off by it. It was the strangest thing! Thankfully, that was the extent of my aversions. Bread was really all I wanted. I basically wanted avocado toast or pasta for every single meal.
One thing I didn’t mind was how big my boobs were becoming! I never thought my A-cups had it in them but they grew and they became really sore. The soreness isn’t fun but I do kind of love having a fuller bust for a change! I will say, though … it did pose as an issue as time went on and I had zero energy and needed new bras but, thankfully, I’ve gotten that taken care of now that I’m in my second trimester, ha!
The most difficult aspect of my first trimester was how fatigued I was and how I had a complete lack of energy and / or interest in doing literally anything but, most especially, what I love to do – which is my job! [Again, this might not seem like a big deal to others and I realized that vomiting in the toilet everyday might very well be ‘worse’ but, let’s just remember, to each their own.] I mean … I literally would wake up, after sleeping ten hours, and not be able to keep my eyes open. I would go from the bed to the couch and wanted to stay horizontal as much as possible. It was the only position I felt safe, unless I had a plate full of pasta in front of me, in which case I could somehow sit upright.
At first, I thought, you know what … I can do this. I am knitting together a human. My body is doing hard work. I can slow down. I can take some time off. The sacrifice is worth it. And, as the weeks went by, I still believed those things. They weren’t lost on me AND … it was still hard. I began to worry about whether this level of fatigue and energy loss was normal. I searched for it on blogs everywhere and couldn’t find anyone whose experience was similar. Another week goes by and I start feeling like this has to be getting pretty obvious now because, literally … everyday, I don’t have the energy to ‘pull myself together’. There was no energy to give to putting makeup on, showing up on stories, or even getting back to emails some days. When I did have energy, I wanted to give it to John or the small community of people I have here in London. That’s what I did and I felt like I was honoring the energy I have by giving it to them AND it was still hard. What I do for a living is a passion of mine and I missed it. I missed the connection that I have with you guys. I missed finding and sharing things I love. I missed … myself.
A month of this, day after day, went by and I started feeling like this can’t be normal. I knew being fatigued is normal but … like, this fatigued? I literally slept 85% of the day. Other pregnant women still have to show up for work and I am only able to get blog posts up, which is just a very small portion of my job. I’m willing to take time off but I started to become concerned that I could potentially have perinatal depression. I literally had no interest in the things that normally brought me joy. In the UK, pregnancies are led by midwives, by and large, through the NHS. I had spoken with one during my registration appointment and she kindly directed me to a mental health telephone line to speak with someone but I really wanted to meet with an OB. I wanted confirmation that the pregnancy was viable [because I got in my head about not having heard the heartbeat at this point, either; this was around week 11?] and also needed someone to tell me if this level of fatigue was normal.
Thankfully, a friend of mine here in the UK knew of an OB that she couldn’t say nicer things about so, I made an appointment and jumped for joy [figuratively] when I only had to wait a day to see her. You guys …. this woman was an actual angel. She was so kind, so engaged, and – honestly – so motherly … and I think I just really needed that. When you don’t have your Mom to go through this with, there’s just something that your heart is really yearning for and I didn’t really realize that until I started talking to her. I literally just unraveled again. I cried and cried and cried. She validated every one of my fears and promised me that … even though ‘I feel like a shell of myself’ right now …. it will pass and I will get back to her. She was like ‘darling, you have taken on three out of four of life’s biggest changes and taken them all on within six months of each other and, with Covid on top of that, I would be worried if you weren’t a little overwhelmed and mentally exhausted’. She encouraged me to be good to myself, to listen to what my body needs, and to allow myself to step away from what normally consumes my everyday mental space because this is a big change and it’s important to really allow yourself to feel and process the weight of that in order to enjoy the baby when he or she is here. She also encouraged me to continue to lean on the supportive community of women I have around me here in London and beyond because life isn’t meant to be lived alone [and pregnancies, she said, can be especially hard on women who don’t have their mothers or who have strained relationships with their mother] and she was happy to know I wasn’t closing myself off from them.
Y’all … she cost a pretty penny to go and see but what I left with was absolutely priceless. My soul needed to hear everything she said. Moreover, she recommended a wonderful psychotherapist, who specializes in perinatal and postpartum mental health, to speak with just to be sure. Of course, I ended up speaking with the therapist the week that the fog started to lift. We had an hour and a half slot booked and she pretty much only needed half of that amount of time to basically confirm what the OB told me, which was very comforting as her rationale made complete sense.
I started to feel more myself around week thirteen. I slowly started to notice that I didn’t need as much sleep as I did before and I started to feel a little more motivated each day. This was also the week I had my first ultrasound, which is called the Harmony Test here in the UK [tests for genetic disorders and the sex of the baby through bloodwork and an ultrasound]. For anyone who lives in the UK, this was done privately – not through the NHS. I don’t want to confuse anyone. I had my first ultrasound through the NHS the following week [last week].
John was not able to go to either ultrasound. At the Harmony test, I got to see the baby for the first time and – as a visual person – it all just became super real! I tried to keep it together and did a pretty decent job but, oh my gosh, it was so emotional. I was shocked at how big he or she was – maybe it was just the screen, maybe it was zoomed in but wow! It looked like a little human. It’s like you know what your body is growing … but you don’t really know until you see it. It was so cool! My sonographer was great. He confirmed that he or she was measuring just fine and everything looked great. I asked if he could refrain from disclosing the sex, if he was able to tell as it can be difficult to be certain at this stage, because I couldn’t bare the thought of finding out without John. We get the paperwork next week and have some fun plans on how we’ll find out and reveal it to you guys!
Earlier this week, I had my NHS scan and the sonographer took even more measurements and gave me an exact prediction on how far along I am and when I’m due, which I shared in the beginning. I was really only four days off my original prediction, which was March 12, 2020. That was actually such a good day because she told me I was exactly 14 weeks and had made it into my second trimester!
HALLELUJAH! I MADE IT!
While those two moments were so exciting, I will say it was really heartbreaking that John couldn’t have that experience with me and for himself. It’s just as exciting for the Dad’s and I wish he could have been there. Of course, I understand it’s a hard decision hospitals have to implement right now but, it doesn’t mean it isn’t sad.
Speaking of John, here I am talking about all of these things that have been hard about pregnancy … I need to sing this man’s praises because, honestly, I am beyond blessed to have him in this with me. He has been the absolute best – dealing with my moods like a champ, helping keep the house clean when all I can do is sleep, making sure I have anything and everything that I need, cooking every meal, etc. He has gone above and beyond and I feel so so so fortunate. This baby and I are incredibly lucky. He is going to be such an amazing Dad!
WHY I’VE BEEN QUIET
I think it goes without saying as to why I didn’t share the news sooner but I hope that sharing my first trimester experience explains why I’ve been so absent on stories and inconsistent here on the blog.
Like everyone else, 2020 has been a doozy. My life – personally and professionally – looks night and day different. While so much of my reality today is what I was yearning for a year ago does not make the changes any easier to handle when it feels like you’re drinking from a firehose. Regardless, it’s important to keep your perspective in check during times like this. I remember I used to really lean on a quote I heard one time and it gave me a lot of peace: “It all is the way it should be”. During these uncertain and overwhelming times, I know God is at work. And I know because there have been so many times in my life where I have felt sad about how life was unfolding because I didn’t see the blessing that was coming. Then, when the blessing comes, no matter how long it takes to present itself, it all makes sense.
“He makes everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
I think I’ve needed a year like 2020. While all of these changes are happening at once, and it does feel like a lot to process, I know this is part of what will make the blessings that are on the horizon feel that much sweeter. I needed to slow down, honor these changes, mourn my old life, mourn the way I thought mine and John’s story would unfold, and allow myself to just be away from what would otherwise distract me.
That doesn’t mean it wasn’t difficult. I don’t do sitting still well, ha! But it was necessary.
And, oh my gosh, I missed you guys! I value you so much and I enjoy sharing myself with you all so much that it has felt very strange to not feel like sharing stuff with you. Let’s be honest — this platform was built on me sharing myself with you and keeping quiet about this and taking time away [all for good reason] … has probably been one of the hardest chapters of my professional career. Sounds dramatic but I am VERY tied to you all and I felt really sad without having y’all in my life. That connection that I love so much as a Peacemaker was missing and I couldn’t wait for this day … when I could FINALLY make it make sense as to where I was and what was going on! And, let me tell you … it feels freeing.
I feel like I’ve come to so many revelations and I’m finally entering into my most exciting part of this pregnancy.
• I realize that my feelings are valid. There’s no ONE way to feel when you find out you’re pregnant. It’s also okay for you and your partner to feel different things. Just be there for each other.
• Almost every woman has some level of fear when they find out they’re pregnant. Babies change everything! But you learn to adapt and meeting your baby makes it all melt away … so I’ve been told!
• There’s also no one way for a family to be born. While I may have envisioned being married before having a baby, sometimes … variety is the spice of life and it doesn’t mean marriage isn’t in our future. While there’s beauty in traditional timelines, there is beauty in untraditional ones, too. We’re in the age of modern families so, while the control freak in me has been triggered, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with my story.
• I realize that things could ALWAYS be worse so, count the blessings in front of you. My baby is healthy. My partner is supportive, not going anywhere, and in love with me and this baby. This could have been the hardest part of my pregnancy and, if that’s the case, I’ve done well and should be proud of myself. I will VERY MUCH be okay.
• I’ve always said ‘the best is yet to come’ and here I am sitting in one of those moments I knew was going to be ‘the best’ in life that I couldn’t wait ‘to come’ … it’s time to start enjoying it.
• It’s okay to take time to mourn that life you have lived up until this point. It’s okay to be sad that it won’t ever look like that again AND to simultaneously be happy that there are so many good and sweet things on the horizon. Those two feelings can simultaneously exist.
And oh my gosh – it feels so good to finally have it all out there! I’m not sure what you’d like to see pertaining to pregnancy. When I was single, I never swiped up on a pregnancy blog post so I totally get it if it doesn’t interest you whatsoever! I’m going to try to stick to non-maternity clothes if I can help it but, I am a little nervous about styling the bump – not going to lie! If you have any tips – leave them below! I’d also LOVE any ‘must-have’ pregnancy or baby items! I’m all ears! I literally feel so lost in a lot of ways still but, yeah, I’ll try not to overwhelm you guys with baby stuff – except I will have a little first trimester must-have’s post and I’ll be answering your questions for me pertaining to pregnancy in tomorrow’s post! Leave them below! But, after that, I promise – it’ll be back to style focused content! Love y’all! xo.
Congratulations!!! I am a few days behind you – 14 weeks, 1 day.
I’m glad you were honest about your feelings!! I was trying for a baby and still felt overwhelmed and scared when I found out!! It’s a lot to process, especially with COVID and all of the uncertainty that is bringing. I also felt very tired and had no energy for all of the tasks that I usually would have knocked out no problem. It’s overwhelming because you don’t feel like yourself and you worry – will I feel this way for all 9 months?
I love how you shared so much of your heart in this post. As a long time follower, I teared up with happiness for you. Though I never knew her, through your words and descriptions of her, I know Jules would be so excited for you! I can feel her in yours words even in this post. I will continue to pray for God’s hand over you, John and this little one!
Congrats congrats congrats!! So exciting to watch you grow and change in life (I’m a reader from before Instagram was ever a main platform 😂). I’m sure with a more compact space in the UK a minimal must have list would be least overwhelming. Jess Kirby had a really great approach with her pregnancy last year you should check out! Once again – congrats to you and John!
First, congratulations! Thank you so much for sharing this. I think it’s so important to talk about. I had a similar experience finding out I was pregnant and the overwhelm and just different than how I imagined I would feel. Thanks for sharing so others know they’re not alone. Sending my love!
you are SO not alone and this has basically been my experience as well- were due the same time and from the 2nd week of july until basically right now (still off and kind of ill) i’ve been so sick such a shell not interested in anything and struggling to do my job/exist. I had the same initial reaction too (although my was on purpose and I STILL had that reaction) ha! knowing the sex, telling people the news and starting the nursery has helped it feel more real and exciting instead of just constant extreme exhaustion, hating everything i once loved and vomiting. on top of covid making everything less fun. definitely appreciate this super real post especially since our experiences have been parallel thus far.
Congratulations! I’m sure you already know but wanted to reassure you that it is completely normal here in the U.K. not be married before you have children. I’m struggling to think of any people I know who didn’t have children before they were married!! xxx
Yesss, it’s culturally so different here in regard to that! I know a few people here who had kids before they got married here. I forgot to make a disclaimer for UK readers in this post saying ‘you may be confused what the big deal is about some things in this post’ lol
Congratulations!! So excited for you and John as you embark on this new journey together! Thank you for such an honest and candid post…there isnt enough out there like this. Thank you for taking us along on this journey with you!
I just wanted to say congratulations! What a wonderful time in your life. You deserve all the happiness this world has to give. I’m so excited to watch your journey!!! Sending you, John and the boys a great big hug and lots of love ❤️
You HAVE to follow jeanwang on Instagram. She’s a little tiny thing like you and is pregnant with her 2nd.. always dresses super stylish and has great baby tips.
Congratulations! So excited for you both! Being a parent is the best thing in the world!!
Having children is not something I envision in my “near” future (but we all know how plans can go haha!), but I am still very interested in all of the details! I love how you honestly laid it all out there. I think it’s so important to have this available for women and to read this so that in the future we can know that we are not alone! I agree that most of what is typically shared is just all of the positive and happy stuff. I feel like I will have many of the same feelings you mentioned, and I have worried about what that might mean…so you sharing all of this has already given me comfort and warded off some future anxiety. Keep it coming. And of course, congratulations on this incredible blessing!!
So excited for you & John! You are always so fun to watch on stories and have been missed. Yesterday I thought I wonder if it’s because you are pregnant. God has a great plan for you and John. Thanks for always sharing in your open & honest way. It’s so admirable. Sending you lots of ❤️ from Canada!
I just read your whole post and loved how authentic you were. Be yourself and walk through this phase of your life knowing God is there helping you along the way. You and John will be wonderful parents. Take as it comes. You’ll be fine. Sending you all my love and prayers. (Bradenton Fl) 😎
Oh my goodness!! First and foremost CONGRATS!! secondly this is such wonderful news! I’ve been following you for some time now and I recall saying to myself that you had been quite and I hoped things were okay! But knowing you had just had some major life changes I knew maybe you just needed some time. I had actually just reread one of the ask Alyson Hayley’s were you talked wedding/future and you mentioned that neither of you were getting any younger 😂 and that you both wanted a family. I know that In the states baby before marriage is oddly looked down upon but honestly who cares, it’s your life and you do what’s right for you in your life. All of this to say as a long time follower it warms my heart so much to see things going well for you, and I’m so so happy for you! 2020 has been an interesting year but there is good coming out of it!! I can’t wait to follow along with your pregnancy journey!! Cheers to you and John!!!
I loved every single word of this post and am so grateful for your honesty. I am SO excited for you and this journey life has lead you to even if it wasn’t a perfect plan, it all happens for a reason and in it’s perfectly due time. Can’t wait to see the bump! Congratulations to you and John!
Congratulations thanks for sharing intimate details. You are a great influencer and even though I am single. I like reading your stories.
I absolutely adore your raw honesty. At the end of the day you are HUMAN! All of these emotions are valid. As a type A planner myself I understand the struggle when anything diverts from our planned path, BUT as you’ve come to realize yourself this is a beautiful blessing and honestly it is exactly as it should be. I appreciate your disclaimer as well! It was very thoughtful to share your hearts intent! I’ll end with —WELCOME BACK and welcome to the influencer world little one! 🙂
Congratulations! I respect your openness and vulnerability. It is so refreshing to have someone be so honest and raw about this step in life, whatever it looks like. You covered it all and I, not pregnant or trying, have found so much comfort in the honesty of it all. Getting pregnant scares me for all of the reasons you listed and then some but having this perspective is so welcoming. I’m a plus size follower and adore your approach to everything and this is just the cherry on top. Thank you.
I’ve been following you for years, and in the beginning it was just for fashion. Now you feel a bit like my daughter. I’m one of your “older” followers. I’m interested in all aspects of anything you want to share. I’m so very happy for both of you!!! Congratulations! ❤️
Loved this ! I also appreciate the honesty and agree so many woman experience so many emotions aside from joy. 2020 has been insane and you sure had a lot of adjustments. Happy for you and Mr. London aka John. You will be a great mom girl💞
Congratulations to you both! What wonderful news!
I’m a mom of 2 (under 2) and my suggestion to you is: embrace your bump! Don’t go for regular clothes just a couple of size bigger like some women tend to do, they simply won’t fit well. A master on the art of styling the bump is The Fashion Blog Bug (who, btw, is also expecting now…baby #4!) Looks her up, she’s based on London too 🙂
You’re such a perfectionist, you’ll figure everything out and if you ever need any tips, you can always count on your mama followers!
xoxo
Congratulations! I have thought about how our lives were very similar in some ways but now this is just weird! About 2 years ago, while living in NYC, I matched with a guy named Hugo on Hinge. We started chatting and he told me he was actually from Sydney Australia but was a frequent visitor to NYC and was heading back to Sydney after a month long trip the following day. We kept in touch and a few months later he was back in NYC and we finally met in person. It was a whirlwind but after a few more trips together and me, flying to Sydney to meet his friends and family, he found a job in NYC that sponsored him for a Visa, and officially moved in December 2018. We got our own place and I was loving it all, as I had started thinking I might never meet “the one”. We were engaged in the beginning of July 2019 and we were so excited we quickly began to plan a destination wedding in California (somewhere where both our families and friends had to travel to). Just before we were booking our tickets to fly to LA to see venues and put down a deposit, I was late and for the first time in my life, took a pregnancy test- fully thinking it wasn’t even possible and ridiculous that I was even taking one. Well, just as you wrote, I saw 2 lines… and freaked out! I sent Hugo back to the pharmacy to get an electronic one which told me for sure I was pregnant. I was stunned, shocked, and in a way, completely overwhelmed and heartbroken. I was heartbroken because this wasn’t in the “order” i wanted this to happen in. I wanted to be married and have that time with my husband and then be thrilled when I had a positive pregnancy test. I was also scared of judgment, that people would think I was irresponsible that we were pregnant without trying to be, or that we rushed as we had only been together about a year. My friends reminded me that I was not a teen mom, we are both in our 30’s and this was something we both wanted. I was so upset at my reaction because I had always wanted to be a mom and had been afraid that I would have trouble becoming pregnant. Hugo was extremely supportive and after a few months of feeling unsure, scared, and just not myself, I began to be excited. I went to a therapist and had a wonderful OB/Gyn who helped me get back to myself. Well, on March 19, 2020 we welcomed Harrison “Harry” and I can only say, nothing better has every happened to me in my life! It is the best thing in the world, and as they say…God laughs when you are making plans….It is refreshing to hear your honesty because it was so hard to feel unsure and not immediately thrilled with a positive pregnancy test, i felt like there was something wrong with me. It just took me time to get back to myself and realize it was what I had always wanted! I’m so happy for you, and thank you for sharing your experience!
There is so much of your experience that has literally been mine. There’s a part of me that’s embarrassed because I feel like this is ‘so unlike me’ .. I’m ‘so much more responsible than this’ and also a part of me that is sad that John and I don’t get more time together before we welcome a baby but, at the end of the day, it was made out of love. Congrats to you and so happy to hear about your happy ending! xx
Exactly, my thoughts- it is “so unlike me” , but in the end it’s exactly how it should be and I think if Covid has taught us anything it’s that you can’t really rely on plans because you never know what will happen! If I had planned my “perfect wedding” we wouldn’t have been able to have it because of Covid … so my perfect plan wouldn’t have been at all! And unplanned Harry couldn’t be more perfect, just as I know your baby will be!
Love this, ladies!!!! xo.
I’m due March 3rd and went through almost the exact same thing as you! In a committed loving relationship but room a minute to get used to the idea since we weren’t actively trying yet. I’d love for you to share maternity clothes and hoping you change your mind on that part. So excited for you and John!
I had the same exact thoughts, unsure feelings and was scared when I found out I was pregnant in 2018. I was not married either at the time, and although I had a very excited and supportive boyfriend- I was freaking out because it wasn’t how I had ever planned it- not married and pregnant *shudder*. Silly I know but it’s real, the judgement is real. And cmon I am a planner and don’t not like being in control. But I can say now 2.5 years later she is the best thing that has happened to us, and we are now married and expecting baby no 2 in March as well.
I’m glad you’re out of the funk, those days can be hard and not everyone has them so you definitely don’t hear about it, but same- coffee sounded awful, foods i loved too! All the crackers, chips, pasta and my daughters goldfish kept me functioning for 3 weeks.
You are not alone! It’s hard, yes very exciting but HARD. Hormones are a wild thing. You got this!
Beautiful and what an incredible blessing! Thank you for sharing so openly. Congratulations to you and John!
Thank you for a real, raw, and wonderfully-written post. Congratulations to you and John! Wishing all three of you health and peace.
Congratulations! I am sure, while you probably planned for a future pregnancy in the UK, the reality of having a baby so far from home was still daunting. I had my babies on the other side of the world from “home”, so completely sympathise. I am certain your dad is just beside himself! I’m guessing it’s a boy because you’ve been so worn out, I was totally devoid of all energy the first trimester with my son, not so with my daughter. I’m really looking forward to following you on this journey!
Thank you! My Dad is SO excited! And we’ll see re: sex of the baby! All of my boy mom friends are saying the same! We still don’t know 🙂 Can’t wait to find out! xx
I am SO extremely happy for y’all! I have been a follower for so long and I know this is what you have been wanting for so long! Please don’t stop the baby content.. I AM HERE FOR IT.. and I am not pregnant LOL
so happy you’re feeling better and loved this post so much! XOXO
CONGRATS! CONGRATS! CONGRATS!
Your experience and feelings are so valid and more woman than you think go through these feelings. I lived in Portland, OR when I got pregnant and my boyfriend lived in San Diego. It took me 6 months to get my job transferred to California, so I went through basically the whole pregnancy alone with him visiting me once a month. It was so hard to wrap my head around, but my daughter is now 6 years old and the absolute light of our lives. We got married when she was 2, and it truly was “as it should be”. Congrats to you both! What a blessing. Can’t wait to see your bundle!!
CONGRATS!!!!! Over the moon for you, John, fish and chips 🤍
Oh sweet Haley, pregnancy is hard. With my first it was just like you, unexpected, my now husband was thrilled and I was in shock. “What will every time think?!” The thing is, everyone was just so ready to live that little baby. Maybe my parents asked if I wanted a shotgun wedding 😂
I think the most important thing is that you gave yourself time to process it all which is the best thing you can do. You lived through each of the feelings and sought out help which is super brave. Pregnancy exhaustion is indescribable to someone who has never been through it. Just remember it’s ok to have those days.
I’ve always traveled and love to go and I’ve found when you have a spirit like ours, you’ll just be taking that baby along for the ride. You’ll be like me and people at the airport (I miss the airport!) will be amazed at your speed going through the security line.
God puts moments like this in our life when we are ready and you’re going to be a terrific mom and obviously John is already a saint. I can’t imagine how much you miss your mom during this but she’s with you.
Enjoy the little moments, the little kicks, and have as many date nights as possible until March. You’ve got this sister!!
It’s so natural to feel so many different emotions when you find out you are pregnant—if even you were “trying”! I’m so happy for you even though we have never met! I laughed reading the part about feeling so weird being so open about this part of your life—it must be so strange for people to be so interested! Thank you for being so genuine!
Your honesty and vulnerability is so transparent here. I’m going to be praying for you, Haley. God is doing amazing things in your life. xx
First, congratulations!! Second, it’s ok and I think warranted if your blogging trends now towards being pregnant and then having a baby! Be true to yourself and your story. People are going to root for you no matter what! And girl, you were meant to do hard things. You’re going to be a fantastic mom and I’m excited to see you and watch your ‘gram evolve! So exciting!!
I felt like I was reading a page in your diary it was so personal and so heartfelt and you poured your heart and soul out into it what a brave thing to do! To share so much emotion and grit! So happy for you! You are going to be a great mom. Your mom is so beaming down on you from heaven!
Congratulations Haley! I’ve been following you for over half a decade & was so excited to hear this news. I remember your days talking about singleness (something I related to at the time), talking about “the date,” and now your next adventure. What a blessing! I know I only follow you on Instagram – but your loving spirit carries through and you’ll be an incredible mom. I can’t wait to follow along your motherhood journey. Hoping I’ll join the blue in a handful of years 😉 Xo Kelsey
Club not blue*
First off, congratulations. This post made me tear up and laugh at the same time. My first pregnancy I had preeclampsia and when my baby was 5 months I would sleep all day with her. My hubby was very supportive but after a couple of months of sleeping 24/7 he became concerned and come to find out I was 12 weeks pregnant. I completely understand your concerns because as I was told I had 40% chance of developing preeclampsia again so my second pregnancy was worrisome. I am over the moon excited for you guys. I know baby Martin will be loved and beautiful.
Congratulations to you and John. I really appreciate that you were so open and honest to your feelings. Looking forward to the bump styles and following along on your beautiful journey. Lots of love ♥️🇨🇦
Congratulations!!! I have enjoyed following you for many years and this news brought a smile to my face. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly with us. You are going to be a fantastic Mom and I can’t wait to watch 🙂
Congratulations!!!
First off…CONGRATULATIONS!!! What a blessing! But I’m truly so happy that you shared your honest feelings. I think you’re one of the first people I’ve heard ever express it like that and it’s honestly really normalized it in my eyes. I’ve always heard about it, but never knew anyone personally who experienced it—until you (because we’re friends, right? 😉😜)!
Wishing you and John the best over these next few months. I know 3 major life changes in a short amount of time was a lot (I’ve done that before, too, so you’re not alone), but you’ve done it with grace! Praying that the remainder of this pregnancy is smooth for you and you have the most beautiful experiences. That baby is so blessed to have you and John as parents. Sending you so much love and light! ❤️🙏🏻
Oh friend, you are an amazing and beautiful woman. Every feeling you had, have, and will have are valid and real and yours and they are okay. I am praying for you both and am so excited for this precious baby that is going to have the best mommy and daddy. Enjoy every ounce of pregnancy, the good, bad and ugly. It truly is the greatest experience. Much love, sweet girl!
I think lots of women are less than thrilled with the timing of their pregnancy. I was one of them, and was with someone I would eventually divorce ten years later, it was not good then and not made better by a child. HOWEVER, motherhood was the best gift ever, I adore my 15 year old daughter, every stage of her life has been a JOY, and I mean that. That’s how amazing motherhood is, despite other rocky circumstances. Now we are going on trips together and planning her future. I think some of us who maybe thought we’d have kids (or not) and did, are a little more overwhelmed and appreciative in a unique way with how beautiful something is you didn’t really think would fit into your life at the moment. And it becomes your life and all the things you had before that were worth having will be there when you get back. For me, I quit work and DRANK IT IN for almost ten years. Then I went back to work as a therapist at a nonprofit and tried to instill in my child that you can be both a great SAHM and WM but I will STOP EVERYTHING for her when she needs it. So don’t feel guilty about however you choose to adjust. I just want to encourage you that this is from someone who didn’t choose motherhood, didn’t want it, and what a joyful experience it has been and continues to be.
I’m so sorry you don’t have your mom with you. I knew you were pregnant weeks ago- maybe from many years of working in OB. Congrats and enjoy!!
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings; I know it’s scary to put something so personal out there for the world to judge. My husband and I are hoping to start a family in the next year but I’ve been struggling with the idea of coming off birth control because I feel so anxious about bringing a baby into our current world. Would it make me a terrible mom to conceive while not 100% sure this is the right time? Deep down I know the answer is no, but it’s helpful to hear from someone else who didn’t have overwhelming joy as their first emotion about having a baby right now. Having a baby is scary and it’s refreshing to hear someone else voice those very normal feelings.
I literally had this same conversation with someone recently, my aunt, actually – who is in her 80’s. She said ‘but Haley, it all starts at home… if you have a loving home and you talk with you kids eye to eye and are honest with them and have honest conversations and allow them to be who they are and make them feel seen and you love them well … it will all be okay. the world is always going to be a scary place and it goes through seasons where it feels scarier than others but, I promise, it’ll be okay’. It was SO comforting to hear her say all of those things because, it’s true. Hope it brings you comfort, as well!
Congratulations and I admire your honesty about your feelings! I will recommend Jean Wang’s blog posts and instagram for baby tips. She is a researcher! Extrapetite.com
Congratulations!!! I’m 14 and 4, so only two days behind you! This is my second pregnancy, but was also a surprise..still so excited, but I can totally understand your feelings of being overwhelmed and fearful. I was totally exhausted the first trimester for both babies and sick the whole nine months with my first. I will say that getting the feeling of “yourself” back will take time, or at least it did for me..even after having my little girl, I kept thinking “when will I feel like me again?” You will get there! Pregnancy and motherhood are such a blessing, but can also come with a whole lot of emotions. Give yourself grace!!! Thinking of you and so excited for your journey!!
I know exactly how you feel about sleeping for nearly your whole first trimester! With my second pregnancy, I spent most of my time in bed. Thank goodness my mom and husband stepped up and took care of my first son. I didn’t actually feel normal till about 20 weeks. I also couldn’t eat red meat my first trimester, but by my 3rd it was all I could eat! I am glad you had a few girlfriends to lean on though, being away from family is so hard when you’re going through pregnancy. One thing I couldn’t live without would be my stroller and bassinet. I bought one that had the bassinet(uppababy) that comes with the stroller which is nice cause you can go for walks easily and then you can have the bassinet in the house so you can put baby in to nap and have close to you at night. All the best in the pregnancy xoxo
Congratulations!! I loved the honesty in your post. I am expecting my third and every single pregnancy has been so different with so many different emotions… there really is no “normal” or “right” way to feel. My best advice is to try to savor it because it goes by quickly, and don’t stress out about the unknowns because you will learn and adjust as you go. Also, babies need wayyyyy less stuff than retailers will lead you to believe so I would recommend getting advice from moms you trust on what they really used and what would work for your lifestyle. Sending all the love and support your way Mama!
So many congratulations!!! You need to collect some pieces from HATCH, ASAP. Although you don’t need them now, they’re made to be worn before during and after and you will be SO GLAD you have them the day you need them and until then they will be cute!! The joggers, the perfect tee and the before during and afters are amazing. I’ve worn them during my 1st, after my first; before my 2nd, during, and now again after. Also the Hatch x current Elliot jeans are amazing as soon as you start popping.
I am HERE for all the pregnancy content – you may be surprised how many of us will love to see it! Once you’re a mama you become a bit obsessed!!
Also, maternity rompers are THE BEST.
PS – you don’t actually need to buy a diaper bag, they make diaper bag inserts to fit into all your beautiful purses 🥰🥰🥰
Girl, what a lovely post. Congratulations!!! As a momma of 2, I’ve had 3 losses in between and I thought your sensitivity was just so kind, so thank you! But I couldn’t be more happy for you. Your first trimester sounds a lot like my first (I had a boy). My second was w a daughter and I didn’t have the super smell. But no two pregnancies are ever the same. It’s scary, the idea of being a parent. And there’s lots of ugly and bad days but also so many good days too. It’s just all a big journey where you see how much more you’re capable of. Congratulations again!! 🥰
Congrats!!! So happy for you! Honestly the best experience! You are in for the best treat! Enjoy – have all the emotions! Like you said there is no OnE way to experience this time.
You made me cry reading your story. I was a single mom a long time ago. My son has a wonderful father who adopted him when he was 9. You will find your way Motherhood is the greatest blessing and heartache but so so worth every minute. Congrats!!!!
First off congratulations to the two of you. Thank you so so much for sharing your heart and your true feelings. It’s all very very normal to have all those feelings and very overwhelming. I cried when I found out I was pregnant with my second. I wasn’t ready and we weren’t trying either. You eventually realize it is a blessing and that everything happens for a reason and it’s gods plan not ours we follow. You both will be amazing parents. Enjoy this pregnancy because like everything it will go quickly. Thank you again for sharing your true heart. Your a beautiful person. God bless you both. Happy & healthy pregnancy. Xoxo
Congratulations! I am so proud of you, you are growing a whole human being inside you! What an accomplishment!!! There are few people on my timeline that I truly feel a genuine soul connection to. You are one of the maybe 5 people from social media that everytime I see your content I just want to scream at how happy I am at your success. And now you have gone from single Alyson to having a beautiful family. It makes me want to cry how happy I am for you. One thing that really resonated with me was the part of your blog that talked about “untraditional paths” I’m currently on an untraditional path in life, I have Lyme disease, I am 22 and have been home bound for the past 3 years, and as a perfectionist I beat myself up everyday about it. Thank you for the reminder that we are all still worthy of life and love.
Kristina
P.s. I use the pregnancy body pillow for my Lyme disease pain – absolute GAME CHANGER. Not just for pregnancy but for anyone who wants Insane comfort.
Loved the transparency. My gosh that’s refreshing. Congrats on this baby.
Hey Hayley- congratulations to you and John- I am beyond excited for the both of you.
I’ve been following you for a while, and felt like I’ve been a part of your journey. When you’ve shared about being alone and single when others were getting married- it made me feel less alone. When you found John, and your life continue to blossom- it’s given me hope that mine would too. Now, sharing your newest journey, and your real feelings (like always) I share in your happiness, and also see hope for my life. I wish you both all the best, and will continue to be hopeful for all of us. So thank you for always sharing and being yourself.
I’m so happy for you and John. It blows my mind that a couple of weeks ago, you replied to me on IG and I felt you were pregnant. I just had that feeling and I thought that would be so amazing! I’m just so happy for all the blessings coming your way. You are such a sweetheart, you truly deserve them. Please take care and cherish every moment. You deserve this happiness and love. Big hug and kisses ❤️
So very happy for you both!! Your feelings are normal and let me tell you the hormones and crazy emotions are up and down even after the baby comes. It is normal and Ok! It sounds like you have a great group of friends and John for support. Your doctor sounds amazing. Congratulations again!
This is giving me ALL the feelings!! 😭
I’ve been following for years, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your vulnerability and originality, especially today.
Here are some feelings, in a very Alyson Haley-esque list 😉
1. Joy
Many of us followed you during your single gal times when you were hoping for a husband and family. So it brings us 🎉joy🎉that you’ve found Prince Charming and built a family!
2. Relief
I missed you and thought maybe you were intentionally moving in a different direction. It felt like losing your presence as an influencer! 😕 so this is a bit of a relief, in a way! I know you may have new priorities even after the first trimester. But, I’m glad you are OK and still invested in blogging.
3. Comfort
I have chosen to severely limit contact with my mother for my own protection. It’s very sad and lonely at times. The thought of being pregnant drags up a lot of overwhelming and upsetting feelings — Who will host my baby shower? What older women can I turn to for advice?
I see myself in your shaky Instastory. It brought me so much solace. It says to me: you can be afraid or even upset and still go on.
You are kind, conscientious, and caring. You will make a lovely mother. I’m genuinely sorry that it didn’t happen on your ideal timeline, and your feelings are real.
Sending some socially distanced good vibes!
Congrats!! It’s COMPLETELY valid to feel the way you did and do feel! I was married and 31 and was scared as hell! The exhaustion is beyond anything (you feel it at the beginning and when you first bring the newborn home). You and John have this and will be amazing parents! Families are all different and you will have one heck of one 😊.
Thank you for being so open and honest! When I am stressed and overwhelmed, I repeat something that my mom used to say over and over…”God will NEVER give you something you can’t handle!” Therefore, take peace and solace in knowing that you CAN handle this! God bless you and your little family!
Congrats Haley!!!! I’ve been following you for several years now… you were the first influencer I followed! I love your honesty and that you always share your whole self with your readers. It’s why I love you so much! I have been a bit worried about you… I thought you were probably just overwhelmed with all the change, but this makes so much sense! I cannot wait to follow along on your journey! So excited for you! And girl… no life is perfect. These days… the order doesn’t make the moments less special. Your wedding will come along too!
Congratulations!
I am also pregnant (35 weeks with my first – a boy) and was also mostly fearful at the beginning. Totally normal – pregnancy is a scary thing planned or not! Add Covid on top of everything and it just makes everything that much harder to process.
A few things that helped me along the way:
– buy / try lots of different pregnancy pillows. I bought a u-shape one initially that was highly rated and hated it. Best to try lots to find one you like that suits your sleeping style. Once you find “the one” it will help a lot – especially when you get closer to the end.
– since you are a planner (I am too) I highly recommend starting to research baby items early and deciding on what your preferences are. It can be very overwhelming, and I found starting early (esp for new moms) and going category but category made things easier to digest. Also, I found second trimester to fly by as compared to first. And you don’t want to do anything in third – trust me.
– follow Karrie Locher on Instagram. She is an RN and breastfeeding expert and has tons of helpful resources on all things baby. Literally my favorite follow since I found out I was pregnant. She literally is a resource on everything – and her checklists are amazing
– even if you try to avoid maternity clothes, I still highly recommend trying maternity pants at some point just in case. I could handle regular pants until mid way second trimester, but once the bump started getting big having tight elastic cutting across my middle drove me crazy. Just having a pair or two on stand-by just in case might be helpful once things start getting bigger (especially as most maternity clothes are online and not in stores – at least in the states).
My favorite maternity jeans are the 1822 ones from Nordstrom (not sure if they have in UK) for what it’s worth. Zella maternity leggings are also pretty great.
– always do what feels best and right to you. Everyone has an opinion on how best to handle pregnancy / baby, but it is definitely not one size fits all. Do what works for you (this applies to baby gear, nutrition, Covid precautions, Birth plan, etc). You will need to remind yourself of this often as there are lots of critics out there – likely even in your own family. Only opinion that matters is yours (and John’s depending on topic).
You will do great momma! Wishing you and John the best!
PS- totally jealous that your baby will likely have a British accent! How cool!
So happy to hear your amazing news and I am grateful for your transparency! I’m a week behind you- but with my 4th! This baby was a surprise for us as well, and I felt overwhelmed like you! However, knowing the joys a new baby brings and a lifelong love and happiness that comes with having children makes me so excited. What helps me most is knowing God is in control and this is His plan. I’d love alllll the pregnancy content you want to give! Styling the bump, must haves, etc. I also have the BEST list of newborn baby essentials I’ve shared with dozens of friends and would be happy to send along to you if you have any need (I’ve curated it down to perfection after 3 babies ha!) anyways congrats and enjoy your pregnancy bc it’s a short special time ❤️
Congratulations! And way to be boldly yourself and share your experience. Everyone is entitled to process and feel their authentic emotions without having to adjust, or hide, or tamp down for others. It can be hard to find “real”, but you are it! Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and baby!
Congrats Congrats Congrats! I read a bunch of blogs on all kinds of subjects and just have to tell you that this was one of the best written posts I have read in a LONG time. Thanks for sharing!
Styling the bump will be easier than you think😉 You are on track I think with not trying to buy a bunch of maternity clothes. You can easily size up in non-maternity and with the oversized style of so many clothes now you may be able to pull off some of your tts for quite a bit. At some point you def will need some maternity pants because that bump just won’t squeeze any longer. The aerie leggings work great with a bump too. Long tanks and cardigans will be life. Fortunately for you in the UK, ASOS, H&M and French Connection have great Maternity choices. A pea in the pod is a great site too with multiple brands and a large selection. Isabella Oliver too (I think this is the name). If I remember they had items categorized by multiple
Stages of pregnancy and post pregnancy also. I am sure you have looked into all of this but thought I would mention😉 So happy for you both! And you shared it so eloquently in your blog. Be proud of your openness to share this as I know there is definitely someone who needed to hear it. We all have different paths and one isn’t better than the other. It’s what works best for you and your little family. Excited to watch your journey! Thank you for sharing with us!
Another suggestion, purchase the book Baby Wise. It was a life saver for me as a first time Mom. I was 27 and never really had taken care of babies or kids much. The way my brain operates I needed to see a plan on paper, read an implement. Helped so much for sleeping and a schedule. My daughter slept through the night by 8 weeks old. That was the week I finally got the book and read it. By night three she was all set! Also had her on a nap schedule by the time I went back to work. It was refreshing. My son was the same. I was blessed with great sleepers and know this may not work for everyone but it helped me a lot.
Absolutely agree with “On Becoming Babywise”. My daughter slept 8 hours a night at 8 weeks and 12 hours at 4 months. She’s two now and currently in bed 11-12 hrs a night with a two hour nap. Having a plan on paper that has been proven to work for decades was so freeing. You can buy it on Amazon. I read it while I was pregnant and then referred back to it every week of the first year.
Huge congratulations to both of you. What a beautiful love story you’ve had… and it’s growing ❤️❤️❤️
Sending all the good vibes your way. So sweet to hear how John was so excited and supportive. Happy for you both! Xx
I want to wish you and John Congratulations! Just because this wasn’t how you maybe envisioned, this will be a wonderful time in your lives. I too am also pregnant due in November so I can totally relate to the fears and uncertainty. I also wanted to share my respect for you on how open you were in this post. But at the same time acknowledge that this is a very special/private time in your lives and that you don’t have to share that with all of us if you don’t want to. As much as your life is public you still deserve the same amount of respect and privacy as the rest of us. Be well and I wish you the very best pregnancy journey. 💕
Absolutely loved this post…!! I had the same experience with my now husband. I was absolutely terrified at first for a long time for reasons of not being married and not being ready so thank you for sharing that those feelings are valid because I’ve held guilt for a really long time. But i am more than excited for you and your journey is beautiful and in Gods timing. Can’t wait to follow along on the journey!!
Congratulations and I’m so excited to come along for this ride! You’re going to be the best parents! ♥️
I’m am so thrilled for you and John!!! Life is so good at throwing us curveballs and it has thrown me many in the past 10 years. I’ve just learned to lean into the chaos. The good, bad and unforeseen things (joyful or not) are all there at the right moment for you.
I’m a 44 year-old mom of two teens who’s been with you for a long time, and I will welcome all the baby and pregnancy stuff. I’m follow you for you, whatever you have to share. You prayed for me when my son was going through a difficult period and I will forever be grateful.
Can’t wait to follow along your journey!!! 🥰
Hill house home nap dress and/or baby gear!! It’s all so cute and practical! Congratulations – from one Jax nurse (my first job actually was at Baptist Beaches) to another.
I love how open, honest, and real this post is. You were and are so brave to be vulnerable and put this out there, but vulnerability is what allows us to feel the highest of highs, like the emotion of your baby!! I’m truly happy for you both! Congratulations on this huge blessing and thank you, again, for sharing your journey. Can’t wait to continue keeping up!
First + foremost, congratulations to the both of you!
Thank you for being so transparent, real and authentic with us. I can imagine writing about this topic and with the feelings your experiencing it was not the easiest of things to do, and for that, I applaud you Mama!
Cast all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you. Everyone will always have something to say. No matter what. Whether it be nice or mean, unfortunately today we live in a society where we find confidence typing things out to people we don’t even know behind a screen. It’s easy to say to “dust it off and get back up again” but your feelings hold value. I truly hope you don’t let anyone hold meaning over you and your wonderful family.
I wish I could give you a big hug! From one Mama to another, I promise you it gets easier. There will be “days” but I hope you always find the sunshine in each one at least for just a little bit.
I’m so excited for the both of you and to watch this chapter of your life unfold.
Xx
I’m so happy for you both. I can imagine it would be shocking. I was always trying to conceive. Sounds like you’re handling it very well… seeing the drs etc. not sure if you have any books yet I think What to Expect When you’re Expecting is a very good one. I have a funny feeling you guys are gonna be great parents!!
Congratulations! I love that you have shared the side most women tend to hide. I too had my first child out of wedlock with my now husband. When i told anyone I would cry and cry while trying to say “it’s not sad this is happy but i can’t stop crying.” I just couldn’t control myself and the fear. We knew we loved each other but i didn’t (at that time) think we were ready for parenthood….after our first boy we planned our wedding and ended up pregnant again (you think we would have learned) and had to change all of ours plans quickly! With both my boys I had the same EXTREME fatigue. I couldn’t do anything my first trimester, so my heart goes out to you and hopefully the next 2 are much easier. So excited for you, John and baby.
XOXO
Oh my gosh, I literally said this to both the OB I spoke with and the therapist. When they asked me if it was planned, I would just start crying like I had so much shame and guilt over the fact that it wasn’t. But so many pregnancies aren’t planned — even if you’re married — and I would say ‘I promise, I’m happy … I know it’s such a blessing…’ and I would try and control their thoughts about the fact that I was crying. The thing is … IT’S A VERY SCARY THING haha and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, whether it was planned or not. So glad to know someone else did the same!
I’d love to know how you told your family, especially your dad!!
What a lovely story! Your feelings are absolutely valid. I’m a mom of 4 and the last one wasn’t planned (he actually had the exact same due date as your LO) and I had some of the same feelings. Even one of the nurses said that I didn’t sound excited. I played it off on exhaustion but I was honestly just scared to have another baby. But around 12/14 weeks they couldn’t find the heartbeat and I had to get an ultrasound to check everything out. Everything ended up being okay but the hour I had to wait cemented in me just how much I wanted that baby.
I think you will be a wonderful mother. Best of luck 💙
i never comment on posts like this but ive followed u for the past year and it has been truly amazing to follow ur journey…… not just london but now a baby! being a mother is the best joy ive ever had in my life. i literally teared up seeing your announcement….. congrats to you and john
I am thrilled to see you being so open and I have missed hearing about your life! Thank you for normalizing mental health as well!
We travel with our babes overseas and it makes the magic even better having them with me!
Congratulations!!! I’m due several days after you! I found out when I was sick with COVID 😅 I’m so happy for your growing family!
All thought many days you yearn to have your carefree kid free days there is nothing like the love of your children. It’s mostly difficult but the moments of pure joy make it all with it! May you alway have health happiness love and laughter as an individual and as a family xoxo
Congratulations! As the others have said, you are not alone! All mommas-to-be feel tired, overwhelmed, scared, excited, etc. Your emotions and hormones are going everywhere, and they will continue to do that, even after you have the baby. I just had a baby three months ago, and I remember how hard the first trimester can be. How tired I felt all the time was a shock to me and my husband. He would come home at 5 p.m. and I would be asleep on the couch. There is much to look forward to in the next months, and it sounds like you have a great “team” to support you. :). P.S. Now you have an excuse to shop!
Congratulations! I have to say, I’m The complete other end of the spectrum. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for a year and a half, did 4 failed IUI’s and finally got pregnant on our first round of IVF. I am 17 weeks today and so thankful everyday. I appreciate the fact that you were sensitive to people who have struggled- I imagine I would have felt similar to you if I got pregnant before I “planned” to also. Either way, a baby is a blessing and I am happy to have a blogger to watch who is also preggo! Please share any and all ideas other mommas send your! Good luck!!!
Congratulations!! I was pregnant with our first in London last year!! If you do want maternity clothes, Top Shop on Oxford St has an ENTIRE store dedicated to maternity!! It’s seriously incredible!! Can’t wait to follow along on your journey xx
What an absolutely wonderful post! So genuine and so heartfelt. I understand and empathize with everything you have said here and I know if will help so many people. I am so happy that God has given you this blessing during this difficult year. It will be really nice to follow your journey and to see more “couple things” relating to the baby. May God bless you and your family!
Congratulations!!!
I’ve been reading your blog and following you for such a long time… that my first thought was of your longing for travel. I am so grateful for your honesty. I have 3 kiddos and we still aren’t married! So while I know it feels like there is a certain “order” to things you and John will figure out what “right” looks and feels like for you. So so happy for you both and can’t wait to follow along on your journey! ❤️
Congratulations!! Enjoy this time, being pregnant is a blink of an eye, and when baby comes it’s the best days of your life! Enjoy every second! God has entrusted you both to raise His child, an actual miracle! We just had our second baby boy and each time, it’s been the best days of our lives those first few newborn days. God is SO good. Praying for a smooth rest of pregnancy, labor and delivery. Your post was beautifully worded, there is no “right way” and I’m glad you are verbalizing that for women! Love you so much, been following you since your nursing days in FL. 🤍🤍can’t wait to hear if boy or girl!
So many people I know have had babies or just revealed they are having babies!! I am honestly so excited for you and John, they are such a blessing. 2020 has been such a year, mentally and emotionally for everyone, and while you have had many good things, they were not necessarily easy, and neither is this, but I’m glad you are beginning to find the joy in it! You deserve all the best and I love following you whether you share baby stuff (can never get enough of people’s babies, so don’t feel like you can’t share when you want to, that’s part of your life now) or style content!! 💕
I loved reading this! I have a two year old daughter and I have been following you since I was pregnant. I’ve been so excited for you to find your soulmate and move to London and have a baby. I can’t believe it all happened this year! I know you are going to get tons of advise from all of us, and it will get overwhelming at times. My personality is very similar to you; I am a total planner and I need to know what’s going to happen. My BIGGEST piece of advise is to read the book “On Becoming Baby Wise”. It is all about creating a schedule for your baby’s eating and wake and sleep time. It teaches you how to train your baby to fall asleep on their own. I know you will thrive as a mother and this tool is so freeing to have a guide to follow. It is so helpful to know when to make changes in their schedule. I have so many friends and family members who have followed the book, and I have only heard success stories. My daughter is an amazing sleeper and I owe it all to this book!
As a long long time reader—so very happy for you and John! I’ve watched you go through different seasons and so excited for this one and many more! You are the best! You’ll be the best mom too! Love your heart.
Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you both and love reading how honest you are! I cannot wait to follow you on your journey to becoming a mom!
Sooooo happy for you. I was so excited when you met John! I can understand your shock and initial fear but so glad to hear you’re happy about the surprise
now. I can’t wait to see your stories!!!!
I love how open and honest you are about your fears and your unexpected blessing! God never makes mistakes, though it may take us back for a moment of disbelief. I, myself, went through a journey to have my sweet one and only girl, and my story, though difficult and heart wrenching, still came with many emotions when I was finally pregnant. Congratulations on the best gift you have been entrusted with!
This was very touching to read. The sincerity and vulnerability makes me respect you even more! I know I don’t know you, so is it weird to say I am proud of you? Well, I am! These are big changes and your feelings are very valid. I was in a pretty similar situation as you. (Minus moving across the world!) I live in TX, am an Ole Miss grad, was 34 when I got pregnant and if I’m honest …fear of judgement was my primary initial (and the most overwhelming… by far) feeling when I found out I was pregnant. Highly successful in sales, fear of losing my job or income was my next reaction. Not proud of it, but it’s the truth. We deserve every feeling and every single one is valid, but it sounds like you know that. It’s hard. It’s big stuff. Just because you weren’t jumping for joy, as you mentioned, does not mean you are not thrilled! You are doing awesome and your story is beautiful, just like mine. We have similar personalities w that whole “control” thing 🤣 Because of that, my pregnancy was filled with so much anxiety …if I could give myself advice, I would tell myself to relax and try to connect more with the angel baby in my tummy. With all of the logistics plus the surprise element, connecting with my child during pregnancy was not top of mind. I, too, had a great man who is now my husband, and our child recently turned one and he is the absolute love of my life and has softened my heart like I never expected. Obsessed is an understatement. Funny how, now, I couldn’t give a crap about anyone’s judgement or any issues with my job (more successful now than ever) and I am sure you will be the same. My advice…Connect with your sweet baby (Meditation or prenatal massage w meditation was my fav) and feel all your feels! You are (all three!) going to do amazing. Congratulations my internet friend!!
So much love for this post! So many of your thoughts and emotions mirrored mine when I found out I was pregnant! I felt like an 18 year old who was gonna get in trouble 😂I was 34 lol. Anyway, still not married, but know it will happen all in due time! So cool to hear it’s not the norm in the UK to be married before babies. Cheers to you guys and the new addition! Can’t wait to follow along ♥️♥️♥️
Congratulations!! I really appreciate your candor. My husband and I went through IVF to conceive our son. And even though he was planned for, prayed for, and desperately sought after, finding out I was actually going to be a mother was STILL terrifying. Making the switch from wishing and fantasizing to reality was definitely a mental hurtle! So I can only imagine the hurtles you had to process. You guys are going to have the best time raising your little Martin baby!! Congratulations again!
As much as I love hearing about fashion, make-up tutorial, fun dog content, travel tips and great-find items from you, I appreciate you for sharing your life with us whether the good, the bad, and in between. This one is a good one so a big CONGRATS to you and John! Just know that no one is really prepared for parenthood. As much as we all try to plan, we sometimes have to improvise and learn along the way. Life is funny that way sometimes and loves to throw those curveballs. The biggest tips I can give you is just try your best and give yourself a break from time to time. Ours was unplanned too, but it has been a blessing in more ways than one. This wonderful journey has taught us to slow down and to not sweat the small stuff. We blinked… and he’ll be 17 next week and onto college next year!
Congratulations to you and John (and Fish and Chips)!! So excited to see the rest of your pregnancy journey and to “meet” the baby! Thank you for being so open and honest about your feelings and everything you’re going through. So happy for you, congrats again!
Congratulations you guys yet again! Your post resonated with me all night along. It was so sincere and you just put out there what you felt whether it is what people expects or not but it is your truth and I am glad you confided in is that way. I wish you all the best and although there will be uneasy times, you’re in for a great adventure. Take care
CONGRATULATIONS!! Oh and we missed you!! I would go to your stories every morning and night to see if you posted anything. I was a little worried but I thought maybe she is taking a mental break.
Trust me I felt the same way you felt when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and I was so embarrassed to share how I felt because I see everyone so happy when they find out. , but I had all the same concerns and questions you did. I LOVE my daughter so much, but when you first find out and it can be very scary especially when it is not planned, like I tell my daughter you were a blessed surprise lol.
Anyway I loved this blog post so much, to be honest I don’t read blogs too much or let alone comment but this was the best! So honest and so real! Thank you for sharing such intimate details, I don’t feel alone. I don’t mind babies post or stories, to be honest I LOVE them because babies are a little piece of heaven and they make me so happy and gives me hope for our future. Oh and trust me it doesn’t matter how old we are we all need our moms, but I am sure yours is smiling down and watching over you, John and baby Martin (I always say Martin with a British accent now lol) again thanks for sharing and I can’t wait to see this story unfold! Xoxo
I had many of the same feelings you did! We tried for a baby, but honestly didn’t think it would happen easily for us, and I didn’t really think through the timing. When I found out, I was way more stressed than I imagined I would be. (He’s now 7 and we’ve added two more because we’re nuts, and I can’t imagine it any other way!!) My husband and I went back and forth between carrying the stress for sure, so just know that John will probably have some of those feelings and it will be your turn to support him. There’s not a lot of conversation about the fact that men go through a testosterone drop during pregnancy too! Anyway, all that to say, pregnancy and motherhood is beautiful and terrible all at once. Conflicted feelings are normal and we should talk about them more! I’m so glad you shared! The best advice I got was that if I’m worried/ stressed about getting it right, it means that I care, and my kid is going to be just fine. Congratulations!!! Wishing you a smooth and healthy pregnancy!
Congratulations! I’m so glad you recognize that ALL of your feelings are valid. This is such a monumental moment in your life and you should absolutely not feel guilty for any emotion that you feel, perinatal or postpartum.
I also vowed to stick with regular clothes throughout my pregnancy, let’s face it, we only wear maternity clothes for such a short amount of time. For me, at about 22 weeks that went out the window! I needed the extra support that maternity jeans/leggings offer. Target has some very cute dresses and jeans that are easy to style. Maybe you can find a similar store in the UK.
There is definitely a learning curve for first time parents (lol)! My husband and I have an 11 month old, and I remember when we finally got to bring her home from NICU it was a “now what do we do?” moment. You guys will find your groove and be incredible parents to your little one!
Congrats!! So happy for you, John and the boys! I always appreciate your honesty and look forward to reading most about your pregnancy journey. Xoxo
Haley,
Oh this makes me smile and I am so happy for you and John. I was ecstatic when you got the boys moved and now THIS!!!! 2020 has been a year but it is one you will never forget! I am sending much love from Jacksonville/Atlantic Beach. I am always telling my friends about “ this gal from here that lives in London now” and how much I LOVE your blog, your IG, your stories and the best is yet to come!! I can’t wait to see what the next chapter brings that you share with us. Congratulations! Sending Love
I am 42 years old and have an 8 year old but I am so thrilled for this post. I’ve been waiting for you to reveal you were pregnant!! I usually pass up pregnancy announcement post. But this one I’ve been waiting for!!! You deserve this!! You post as much pregnancy info as your heart desires!!! This is your special time and you enjoy every second!
Congratulations!!!!! I had a feeling you were pregnant. Babies are a blessing!!!!!
I couldn’t be more excited for you and John and the announcement of this news!! As a long time follower, I feel like you are one of my friends (lol) and I’m over the moon happy for you 🙂 I can TOTALLY relate with all of those questions when you found out and I think I would be the same way – also, the fact that you’re embracing the “non-traditional” order of baby before marriage is so refreshing to see – I’m pretty sure I’ll be in the same boat and have recently starting refining my diet and habits for pre-pregnancy. I’d definitely recommend “Real Food for Pregnancy” by Lily Nichols and also Kelly Leveque’s commentary on pre, pregnancy, and post nutrition – great sources of info and Lily was on Kelly’s podcast recently!! We have definitely missed you and are so happy to see you back and with such happy news!! Love you, xoxo!
Congrats mama! You’re going so be such an amazing mom for your baby. Your first trimester mirrors a lot of how mine was! Extreme fatigue, coffee sounded terrible, only wanted to eat noodles- same here! If your second trimester goes anything like mine too, it was a breeze and actually really enjoyable. I can’t wait until you get to feel those first little kicks, it’s the best feeling in the world! Wishing you and John all the best in your new adventure 💕
Congratulations! Great news! You two will be great parents, I can just tell. Enjoy all the little moments, they run by so quickly. Hugs to you both! Can’t wait to hear about all your firsts. Yay!
Congratulations!!! My first pregnancy I wasn’t tired at all and this time I was exhausted the first trimester. If John can’t go the appointments with you, see if you can FaceTime during them…our doctor’s office allowed it so Justin could see the live images of Claire moving around. I hated coffee for months with Will and never had more than a week-long aversion with Claire. Not only is every person’s pregnancy different, the same person can have completely different ones. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better and hope you only continue to from here on out! ❤
Congrats. This will be a very exciting time for you and John. My cousin is pregnant and I am planning her baby shower for early October in a Covid world near Miami. I will end up planning a house party instead just to get around all of the covid-19 restrictions in South Florida. She is due around Halloween. As for me I wish I could get pregnant but I am too old. I am 54 and he is 43. I met the right man too late in life. He wanted a child but he understands. At least we have a fur baby. This was not planned but I know everything will work out well for you and John. I have no doubt about it.
Thank you for sharing. We got pregnant after dating 3 months. I remember being sad how i had to tell my parents. I remember my very conservative dad being shocked. I feel like I missed out on sharing something and everyone was judging us.
Now here we are almost 8 years later with three kids. Those dark scary days are now bright and full of life.
Congratulations!!! What a beautiful post!!!! Tearing up!!! You are going to be a great mom 🙂 Thanks for being so real and vulnerable, yet sensitive to others. I loved reading your story!
Thank you so much for your honesty. I found out I was pregnant in May and scoured the internet for anybody who had felt the way I was feeling (angry and sad), but found nothing. I realized many women struggle with conceiving so felt like my negative feelings were considered “taboo,” which made me feel guilty on top of it all. But you’re right, every feeling is valid! And the more we share our experiences, the less “taboo” they all become! So thank you for putting this out there! And congrats to you momma! 💖
Reading this post has been so wonderful. Hearing all of your other thoughts and perspectives on being pregnant at this stage of your life, in the home you’re currently in, and how you feel it didn’t follow “the plan” was really helpful to me. To see someone else struggle with it.
My fiance and I got engaged the first week of March and then everything shut down. We can’t plan a wedding. We cant be with family. When will get married? How long will it take? Will we end up having to plan for kids before we’re even married because of all this? Will I end up pregnant at our own wedding in a dress that fits rather than a dress I always envisioned? Will we have our own baby at our wedding? Will we have to do all of this in the apartment we live in and not a house like I imagined? Not even in the same state I thought we would be in when we wanted to have kids?
Seeing you share ALL the emotions, even the “negative” ones, was uplifting. To know others struggle with these “unconventional” thoughts. Thank you for sharing.
I am delighted for you & John!! Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting – the wildest ride ever! I will say that although the fatigue of the 1st trimester does go away, you will never feel as well rested ever again haha. One of the many joys of parenting. But it’s well worth it.
Felicidades!!! This is my favorite post of 2020! Nothing better than you allowing us into your life with openness and honestly! Here’s to love in the time of covid, and beautiful babies to come!
xo
From a follower who never posts but just had to this time!
*honesty
Aww, thank you Mel! xx
Congratulations!!! Sending prayers for a smooth pregnancy and healthy baby.
Congratulations Haley. I’m really excited for you and Jon. I have loved following your story from singleness to meeting the love of your life, moving, and now this wonderful new chapter.
Aloha,
Terra
Thank you for such a genuine and vulnerable post! I appreciate bloggers like you who keep it so real and share the ups and the downs. Wish you all the best during your pregnancy and into motherhood! 🙂 You’re going to do so great!
I really loved reading this. My daughter is three now, but it brought me right back to the moment when I took that first test. I’ve been a single mom since the day I found out I was pregnant and also struggled with the “this is supposed to be the happiest moment” factor, when you are so consumed with worry. The worry comes naturally and will never end, but the best part of motherhood is that someone else’s happiness becomes your happiness. You’ll be a wonderful mother (wonderful parents) and I wish you the best in your new journey!
Congratulations! I wish all the best for you and John as you navigate this new chapter of your life!
I’m due April 2021 with my second planned baby, and I cried after getting both positive pregnancy tests, filled with fear and uncertainty. I totally understand how scary it is. And yes, first trimester is a doozy.
I am actually SUPER EXCITED to see you style maternity clothes and wished many times during my first pregnancy for your style direction.
Recs: I’m buying a bassinet that attaches to our bedside this time around and more Halo sacks (velcro swaddles) when this baby arrives because those are amazing.
If you’re looking for an online support group (that’s also anonymous) you could check out the March 2021 Bumpers group on Reddit. You can post and read posts about what other moms are experiencing on a similar time line.
Best to you! Thank you for sharing and look forward to seeing more updates!
congratulation……