5 Months with Louie

Hi my friends! Wow, it’s taken me FOR.EVER. to get you this blog post. I realize it probably only serves a small portion of my audience but, hey ho. I know these posts can be helpful for those who are in this same season or are about to embark on it soon. I divided up this post based on the questions you sent in a few weeks ago. So, let’s jump in to what is new with Louie!

His Schedule

Louie is still currently on a 3-hour schedule which, technically, goes against what app’s like Moms On Call and some sleep coaches would recommend. Usually, at four months, it is recommended that infants be moved to a four hour schedule but, I felt like we had some catching up to do. We wanted to get him sleeping in his own room first [note: that’s not what the AAP recommends but was the best choice for us, personally; do what makes the most sense for you and your family] as well as moving his bedtime up to 7:30pm, which took some time. So, once we moved into our flat [from our home in London] we got those two balls rolling. My sleep coach, Ashley, said once we are seeing him consistently sleeping through the night and taking really good naps. When he turned four months old, she said that she didn’t necessarily care how long his naps were but to pay attention to when the naps start to lengthen and when you’re having to wake him up for his next 3 hour cycle. We started seeing these two things come together over the last two weeks so, with that said, we will likely move him over to a 4-hour schedule very soon which is great because she really wanted him switched at the 6-months, at the absolute latest.

So, here is his current schedule – roughly. I loooove my sleep and I’m NOT a morning person so, even though I know we probably should, we don’t always start at the exact same time every morning. Right now, Louie wakes up between 6:30 and 7:30 but I’ll just start the day at 7:00am just for ease.

7:00am – wake / 7oz bottle / play

8:30/9:00 – nap

10:00 – wake / 6oz bottle / play

11:30/12:00 – nap

1:00pm – wake / 6oz bottle / play

2:30/3:00 – nap

4:00 – wake / 6oz bottle / play

5:30 – cat nap [I only let him sleep for about 30 minutes]

6:00 – wake / 7oz bottle [yes, feed again 🙂 don’t worry] / bedtime routine

6:45/7:00 – dressed for bed, lights out, sound machine on, rock him and feed him a small bottle [usually 4oz or so; he doesn’t always finish it], kiss him goodnight & lay him down


How is he sleeping [naps & night time]?

Naps – His naps vary. I’d say he usually sleeps anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour and a half depending on time of day. My sleep coach says that’s very normal for this age and is totally fine. We will transition him to longer naps in his crib at six months.

Night – He sleeps anywhere between 11-12 hours at night at this point. It might always be this way so trying to enjoy it being that it hasn’t always been like this.

I know baby sleep is such a tough thing. It’s truly a science so please know I completely empathize if this isn’t your reality and your baby is a similar age to Louie. I can’t recommend consulting with a sleep coach enough. Like I said, it really is like a science and I definitely would be lost without her help and direction.

Did you experience regression?

No, we didn’t. We have struggled a little bit around that 4 month mark but I can’t really classify it as regression because we hardly had a solid nights’ sleep prior to 4 months. We’d get a six hour stretch but that was about as good as we would get until he got into his own room.

Does he go down awake or asleep?

I put him down drowsy but awake. It took awhile for me to truly adopt this. I’d try to rock him until he was basically asleep but would ALWAYS accidentally wake him when I put him down trying to get my arm from underneath his neck/head. I’d always feel bad walking out of the room with him looking at me but, eventually I was like ‘I KNOW he’s tired’ so let’s just see if he drifts off on his own. After a few nights of seeing that he does [and it doesn’t usually take more than 5 minutes], I felt better about feeding him that small bottle, giving him a little goodnight kiss, laying him down and then walking out. He isn’t distressed by it at all so it’s made me feel better and, like I said, he drifts off so quickly.

Where does he take his naps?

I lay him on me to signal ‘okay time for a nap’ and he usually drifts off and then I will wiggle my way out from under him. I usually put him on the Snuggle Me lounger. It’s weird – with daytime sleep, I feel like he drifts off so much quicker than nighttime … like within a minute or so. So, if I do wake him when i’m getting up – I can usually stroke his forehead or in between his eyes and he’ll drift right back off, no problem.

Does he take a pacifier to bed with him?

Yes, he is obsessed with this one by Ryan and Rose [made of silicone so super safe; very durable, as well; i think it feels really good on his gums because he used to not like these until he started drooling more] and it’s attached to this little bear. It’s his little comfort.


What formula are you using for Louie? Does he like it?

Before answering, I just need to underline that it’s best that you consult with your pediatrician over what formula you should try for your baby. I am simply a new Mom just doing her best and using what felt right for us and has worked well for Louie. Every baby is different so please weigh your pediatrician’s recommendation over mine.

We use HIPP Combiotic Stage 1 at the moment and Louie LOVES it. It’s pretty pricey over in the States as it’s a European formula and, therefore, has a healthier formulation due to food standards here. I was looking at prices and I’m thinking about having him try Holle, which is goat milk based, while we are visiting my parents in Maine just to cut down on cost while also not veering from what he has become accustomed to. I’m hoping he likes it.

How are you liking the BabyBrezza?

We LOVE it. Absolutely love it. I cannot recommend it enough. I’ve heard some pediatricians say it doesn’t provide an accurate ratio of water to formula but Louie’s weight hasn’t suffered in any way since we’ve started him on formula using the BabyBrezza.

How many ounces does he take per bottle?

So, we’re right on the verge of that 7oz bottle mark, I believe. He has taken 6oz for a while and he’s usually satisfied but, last week, I noticed he had a bit more expectation on his face when he was done so, we are doing 7oz in the morning and evening to start and then we’ll work more in over the next week or so.

Upcoming Travel

Louie and I leave a week from today and I am so excited and, yeah, a little nervous but trying to focus on how great the trip will be overall! I do wish it was going to be a direct flight but am just going to try to keep my expectations low and prepare as much as I can without going too crazy.

One question I’d love any insight on is whether or not to get the Doona? My current stroller system doesn’t need a base so bringing what I have could potentially be fine [and I’d have more storage space if I did bring that] but everyone raves about how easy the Doona made travel so I’m like … should I just go for it? There are also NO videos on YouTube for how to install my carseat in a vehicle without the base, which is mind-boggling to me. We found one that’s similar and that’s what we used when we put him in John’s mom’s car but, still … I’m kind of crazy when it comes to details. I like seeing the EXACT one being put in not a similar one. hah, anyone else like this?

How are you timing things? did you time the flight based on his nap schedule?

Nope! When you have limited flight options, you just book what makes the most sense and I went with what would give us the shortest layover [2 hours versus 4]. We leave around midday UK time so I’ll follow his normal schedule and try and extend his bedtime a little bit and then try to put him down for bed closer to East Coast time but, we’ll see how it goes. I need to consult with my sleep coach this week and see if she has any tips.

How do you manage naps and feeding while you’re out with Louie?

I feed him every three hours [or a little early if we’re going to be walking somewhere, like the train station, at the time he should be eating; he’s only ever off by like 15 minutes or so] and then he does tend to drop off when he’s in the stroller but movement is key. I do feel like if he’s tired and I’m at a restaurant, I need to snuggle him to get him to doze off then I put him in the stroller and put a blanket over the opening to give him some darkness. But, naps on the go are tough. He doesn’t usually sleep as long if we’re at a restaurant but he does do pretty well if we’re walking around. I want him to be flexible so I try not to stress too much about the schedule when we’re out. Maybe that’s not ‘the best’ mindset to have but, it’s worked fine for us so far! And, we don’t keep him out ALL day to the point that he gets crap naps all day. He’d be miserable. So, I think it’s important to point out … we do make sure he gets one to two REALLY good, solid naps when we do have stuff planned and that’s either before or after we go out.

Things We Love & Use Everyday

Okay, so aside from the BabyBrezza, we have a few other favorites!

He sits in his bouncer [toy bar] [UK link to bouncer | UK link to toy bar] everyday when I am hopping in the shower and / or doing my makeup.

He plays under the Lovevery Play Gym for playtime and tummy time. I put together this graphic of the play gym along with some of the toys I put on the mat and / or bring with us in his diaper bag when we go out. He loves so many of these, especially the mirror when he’s doing tummy time. He gets such a kick out of seeing himself but all of these toys have been really fun for him at this age. I do think I’m going to order these blocks for him next because, as he starts to be able to sit up on his own and gain more intentional, active control of his arms, I think they would be fun for him.

Also, we are using these Philips Avent bottles as opposed to the Dr. Brown bottles. We tried those out because, I swear, I see them everywhere on Instagram from new mom’s. We just did not like them! It seemed like Louie had a harder time getting the milk out – it took him longer to drink his meal through them. So, yeah, I’m sure that’s not everyone’s experience but, for us, they weren’t our faves!

Also, this is somewhat random but we are in looove with these burp cloths. They are so soft and always super gentle on Louie’s skin.

New Things We’re Trying Out / Starting to Look Into

• We ordered the Bumbo seat and he absolutely loves it! He is getting less and less patient with being laid down. He wants to sit up more but, of course, at his age, he needs that support and I can’t always sit and support him so this seat has been nice for him to sit up and see what’s going on and allows me to tend to putting things away, getting myself ready, etc.

• Louie isn’t showing all the signs of readiness to start eating yet but I ordered this book to get some additional insight into Baby Led Weaning. I think we will do a mix of puree’s and BLW but, as a new mom, the concept was completely foreign to me. This book and the Instagram account called Solid Starts has gotten me so excited for when he is fully ready.

• When he does start to eat, we have this high-chair ready to go. We got it in white. I went with this one because it’s ergonomic and will grow with him as the footrest is adjustable. It’s super simple to put together and completely tool-free. You can also throw the tray into the dishwasher.

• We’ve gotten quite a bit of use out of the travel crib we purchased about a month ago. We love It. It’s super easy to assemble and breakdown. It packs up beautifully every time making it easy to store at home and pack in the car when you’re on the go.

• I am obsessed with his little Nike shoes. He wears them all the time and I bought them in the two next sizes up.

• Once Louie transitioned out of swaddles, I ordered a Woolino sleep sack [although I did prefer to order the Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit but was unable to order one here in the UK] and he’s absolutely loving it! I will say … I think I still would have preferred the Sleep Suit being that Louie still technically had his moro reflex intact when we transitioned him out of the swaddle and the weight of the Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit would have made it easier for him to not startle himself at night if he did happen to wake up. He has done well in the sleep sack though. It keeps him comfortable at night without posing a safety risk to him.


Can we get an update on how YOU are doing? How do you feel you’re handling motherhood?

I’m okay … not the best I’ve ever been, but okay! I have my good days and not-so-good days. This all might be a lot and seem all over the place but my hope is that, through just spilling out how I’m feeling … all the different layers of how I’m feeling … it could potentially resonate with someone who has been feeling even slightly similar.

If I’m honest, it’s not the motherhood aspect of life that I’ve been struggling with lately. It’s so many other aspects that make the day to day feel heavier to navigate. It’s where we live although I’m so thankful to have this little flat to have been able to fall back on but we’re all in each others’ pockets a lot and I’m so used to having space. It’s the news. The world feels so heavy right now. It’s not being able to travel, at least not far, until we find a new place. [My trip to the States IS happening, though. Thank goodness!] It’s the new sense of identity and getting to know her and also trying to find the confidence to truly step into this identity shamelessly and openly.

And sometimes I think maybe this isn’t hormones or anything pertaining to postpartum… maybe this is me just having a hard time adjusting to how life is unfolding? But it’s hard to know because it’s unfolding at a time that can be a hard one to navigate for many women, not just women, like me going through additional life changes or upheavals. But it wouldn’t surprise me, I guess, if adding change to the postpartum period could make it even harder. I don’t know. So, I drive myself crazy wondering if this is all because of postpartum or is this an adjustment problem due to an intense amount of change and being without a lot of things that typically bring me comfort?

Did any of you feel like you had a harder time digging yourself out of your emotions after pregnancy?

Did you ever feel lost? 

Did you feel like a completely different person, and not just as a mother, but as a woman?

Was It hard for you to adjust to this new chapter?

Sometimes I wake up, take care of Louie, and just feel so unmotivated to get myself ready for the day because I don’t have any plans. I don’t know what I should be doing that day [other than being Louie’s mom]. I don’t have any sense of direction.

I know routine would be good but I also am afraid to put too many work commitments on the calendar so as not to disappoint myself. Taking care of a baby is a full time job and you never know what kind of day they’re going to have and, in turn, what kind of day you’re going to have. I know that pouring myself into work even in small doses would be good for me but then I also know that the amount of focused time I have at my computer [or to share something] is so limited. And, in order to commit time to some of the things I’d like to plan, the time I have with John or the time I have to sleep or spend time with friends or go for a walk by myself would be what gets sacrificed. Truth is, I don’t want to sacrifice any of it – my work or time with my loved ones. I’d love to have help with Louie and be able to have that dedicated time to work but, when I’m honest with myself, those other things weigh a little heavier than showing up on social media, even though I realize that is the catalyst for my business. After the last 18 months full of change, those other things [and maintaining those] matter a little more to me. They are my life force during a season where I feel so unsettled and outside of myself. I need to feel settled before I can put my mind on things like finding help for Louie or getting back to work full-time. And, I have to remind myself that while I do need to go back to work, I have worked incessantly over the last decade to afford myself this time when I truly need to take a step back and take care of me. And it’s a position of privilege I’m so aware of to the point that it makes me angry that it’s not something all women are able to have access to. I feel like the world is waking up to the importance of mental health and yet it isn’t prioritized by the industries and companies to ensure that their employees get it in the capacities that are needed. And if it isn’t the mental health debate … it’s the childcare struggle. We could go on but let’s digress for now.

And, even though I know this … being so accustomed to being busy all the time has made this season harder. I’ve adopted and subscribed to this achieve-achieve-achieve, do-do-do, go-go-go mindset [that I think a lot of millennials have] for YEARS. And so many incredible things come out of seasons of hustle, including mine, so this isn’t me trying to hate on that mindset but it can be dangerous when it’s sustained for too long. We all deserve to embrace slower seasons and not let society put unnecessary pressure on you or let the pressure you’re used to putting on yourself win. If you’re struggling, prioritize your mental health. It matters and we need to start acting like it does. I am desperately trying to unlearn this idea that we have to keep going, never stop … and the not give in to the shame that we feel when we feel like we’re letting that idea down. And I’m finding that when life challenges / forces you to really slow it down, almost to a halt, it’s for a reason. I do very much believe there is a purpose behind this season – where it’s not so much about doing as it is about being. Where it’s not so much about saying your piece but learning your truth. Where it’s not about clinging so tight to the way you’ve always done it as it is about having open hands to what life might have in store for you next.

I feel like that would have been a nice little end to my soliloquy but, no, I’m not done, hah! How I’m doing and what I’m feeling day to day is so layered.

In addition to that – or on top of that, I don’t know – there’s a loss of identity aspect to it that makes me sad, as well. They say ‘when you birth a baby, you also birth a whole new you’. I feel that so deeply. I feel so disconnected from the person I was before Louie and yet miss her so much at the same time. But, then I think … I’m just shedding the aspects of that girl that were never really her but, rather, who it was acceptable to be. In a weird way, I feel like this new identity is really who I’ve been the whole time but have been afraid to be. It’s almost like I’m experiencing some sort of awakening in myself.

And, with this new me, I’ve discovered quite a bit of anger and that’s scary in and of itself. I find myself getting angry about things that never really made me angry before. [Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt myself or others due to this anger but maybe I should describe it as being ‘bothered’. Ha, I’m ‘bothered’ or ‘triggered’ by a lot of things]. Things I’ve never raised any concern or expressed any opinion over before. And I want to share some of these things but then I’m like ‘this is “too deep” or “too much”‘ for Instagram. Ha, and then I get angry about how influencers can only be themselves to the point that it makes people comfortable and happy. And that we’re essentially abandoning or tabling anything within ourselves that, if shared, could stir up any sort of uncomfortability in someone else. Maybe this doesn’t bother some influencers because, it could very well be a part of the business model, who knows. But, it bothers me. We are conditioned to keep it light, keep it happy, appease, be who they want you to be but … what kind of influence does that have? It only perpetuates this idea that women shouldn’t ruffle anyone’s feathers or be true to herself and say what’s on her mind or stand up for what she believes in. She shouldn’t take up space. But, we freaking should! Ha, y’all .. I could go on about this but, basically, that is not the influence I want to have on other women! I want to influence people to not abandon themselves just to be liked. I want to influence people to be open-minded, loving, respectful but be confident in their own power, in their own knowing, to say what’s on their heart. Be shamelessly you. It’s a quality I admire most in women and yet a quality I’m still working on owning myself. I sit in my own conditioning to not voice my opinion because, I’ve been made to believe it doesn’t matter. So, all that to say, I’m really getting to know my inner knowing and trying to honor her better. I think you may start to see that as I break down that conditioning over time.

I feel so pulled around by so many things that sometimes I just cry because I can’t exactly pinpoint what is making me sad or mad. It’s everything! And then I feel crazy. Because SO MUCH feels new [and also I am living inside of so many blessings!! I’m sooo not naive to that so it almost feels like I shouldn’t have all of these feelings] … I don’t know how else to explain how I feel other than to say I feel like a feather being blown around in the wind. I feel like I have no anchor. And it’s so scary to feel like that and to have nothing around you that feels familiar. It has scared me so much that I’ve gone looking for things that could either explain it or help me feel better. So, I’ve become intrigued by concepts like misaligned chakras, energy healing, grounding, meditation, and things like that because I feel so all over the place. My energy is depleted all the time and just want so badly to feel more balanced. [Wow, it’s so scary to admit all of this.] And, since these are new concepts to me, I feel equally as skeptical about them because some are esoteric in nature and we’re conditioned to think they’re ‘bad’. Well, I guess moreso if you have a Christian background. Ultimately, though, I know God is with me in this season and I see His winks everywhere.

Wow. That was a lot. So, now you know what the heck I’ve been doing lately — while I’ve not been showing up on Instagram as much because I’ve been mulling over all of this. I’m in a hard season where I’m asking myself hard questions and coming to hard realizations. But … these seasons of shedding are GOOD. It’ll just take some time to really see that and appreciate it for what it’s doing FOR me, not to me. And, maybe I’m struggling more than I thought. Maybe it’s PPD and I’ve been in denial or maybe I’m just really freakin’ scared of all the new and who this new girl is that I birthed with Louie. She’s got some things she wants to say but she’s so scared. I’m emotional about it a lot, if I’m honest, because I feel so alone. No one talks about this, at least not while they’re in it. Plus, the state of the world. Ugh. Y’all, it’s all very heavy and the last thing I want is to scroll my feed. It makes it so much worse. I hope I feel lighter soon, to be honest, and, if you’re struggling as a new mom, too, even if it looks different than what I just described, you are not alone!

Does this resonate with any of you?

What has been the easiest part? Hardest?

The easiest part is loving him. I just look at him and melt. I miss him when he’s sleeping. I’m so thankful he’s mine.

The hardest is trying to find a new rhythm and new routine that makes sense for you and your family. This comes easily for some, but can be hard for others.

I’d love for you guys to answer this question in the comments below for any future mom’s looking for insight into what could be on the horizon.

What week / month did things feel easier?

I feel like, after each week, you experience amnesia as to the week prior hah! I’m like … uhhhhh what week was that?

For me, I think things felt easier once I was honest with myself about how angry I felt when I pumped and how unhealthy that was for me to continue even with the knowledge of how it made me feel. It’s normal to have those feelings of rage. It’s scientifically proven that you can experience that when you pump but, for me, it didn’t sit well with me to continue doing something that made me feel like that. There are so many hard aspects to postpartum that you can’t control so I couldn’t continue doing that was actually my choice. I wanted to enjoy this season and Louie wasn’t gaining a lot of weight so, it seemed like a no brainer that the best way forward for us was to say ‘we gave it our best shot’ to breastfeeding / pumping. I truly hope my experience is different with our next one [God willing] but, things felt a million times easier after making that decision.

That was week 3? or 4? I can’t remember exactly but it felt like way longer than that, to be honest. Time crawled and it was sooo unenjoyable and difficult but, ever since then, if it’s been hard … it hasn’t phased me.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Many women have incredible breastfeeding experiences, and some even start off rocky, so this is not me saying don’t breastfeed or that it will definitely be hard for you. I will say … there is a learning curve so definitely utilize a lactation consultant in the hospital! 

What’s something you’d tell yourself five months ago?

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. And you have the best dang partner by your side when it gets hard.


Alright, I think that’s a pretty comprehensive update on how things have been going but if I missed anything or there’s anything you’re curious about or want me to include in the next one, please do let me know in the comments below! Thanks for checking in on us! xo.


Editor's Notes



  1. Becky wrote:

    You are not alone. I feel those things with you even though I’m not a new mom , mine are 12 and 9. I remember being really lonely when my first was born, and I don’t get lonely, I love to be by myself but it brings in so many new emotions. This is a tough season and im certain not being in a permanent living situation is adding major stress. Sending love , thanks for being so open. ❤️

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  2. Hannah wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your honest and unfiltered truth. I have a lot of similar feelings and thoughts on a daily basis (FTM to a 4 month old), so it’s nice to read I’m not alone. It’s a shame our experiences aren’t more openly talked about as ‘normal’, but I guess everyone is trying to (appear to) hold it together, but in reality cracking until the surface. Thank you again

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  3. Erin wrote:

    Wow what an open, honest blog post. I resonate so much with your “how are you feeling?” response. So I feel better about my emotions knowing someone else has very similar feelings. Even if the root cause isn’t the same. Because whew I certainly feel crazy sometimes. And my little one is 2!! Sending you and your family all the happy vibes and peace for working through this season. It’s a tough one but so rewarding at the same time. <3

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  4. Rachel wrote:

    Hang in there. It will get easier and easier until those darkest days only feel like a bad memory. 💗

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  5. Litz wrote:

    Whoa, I felt SO seen and identified by this post, particularly the “how you are feeling” part. Motherhood is amazing, but wow… The shedding is hard.

    Thank you for being allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and sharing with your readers.

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  6. Katherine wrote:

    I think you are doing great. You are doing the best you can do each day. It’s hard! It is hard to juggle all the roles as mom, wife/ significant other, worker. I think if you got help For even a few hrs a day or even just a few days a week,Or whenever works for your family. It would give you designated time to work and take care of you. As a mom of 2. I have found that each stage has its own worries. All we can do is our best. Be at peace with you are trying your best.

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  7. Kahlie wrote:

    Oh wow, I feel all this. I just had my second boy in February and the transition has been so different / more difficult than when I had my first in 2016, honestly I think due in large part to the state of the world right now. Everything feels destabilized right now and that is A LOT to deal with on top of postpartum, which encompasses many things including PPD, but also postpartum anxiety and postpartum rage. We do need to talk about it more. Especially now! Moms need as much support as we can get. I will also add, that I’ve found therapy helps as well.

    All this to say, you are not alone! Sending you love.

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  8. Andrea wrote:

    Hi Alyson, thank you for the thoughtful, honest post. I think sharing, truly sharing, is so important for us readers and probably for you too. I’m 38 and started my motherhood journey 12 years ago, and I can still remember that identity crisis after having my first. It took me almost a year to find ‘me’ again outside of ‘me the mother.’ After my subsequent kids it was much easier. That first time though, it’s a dramatic shift. (And the hormones don’t help.) And I will add that anger is something I never struggled with until becoming a parent. My husband says the same thing. I think this must be normal. Kids just challenge us in so many ways. I love that you recognize your hard work and how it has afforded you this time to slow down. I hope you hang on to that and enjoy this slower period (guilt-free!). Much love to you on your faith journey, I know how scary that unmoored feeling can be. Thanks again for sharing. xx

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  9. Katie wrote:

    Wow….I had to take a break from reading the last part of this post bc it hot home, hard, come back reread it all and let it sink it. I feel like I’m reading the the thoughts in my own head…💞

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  10. Rachel wrote:

    Yes!!! Buy the Doona. Recently traveled internationally and it was an actual dream—especially being able to use it without a base. I also use it as my normal car seat because it’s so quick and easy to zip in and out of places. Best baby purchase I’ve ever made. Seriously—buy it!

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  11. Lizeth de la Torre wrote:

    That took a lot of courage for you to write and we don’t all have that courage. I had 2 kids a year apart and believe me I struggled but never told anyone. My husband would only come home on the weekends because of his work up until my kids were around 5. Life for us women I believe is a bit “harder or different” because it is frowned upon if we can handle the home, children and husband swiftly. All your feeling are valid and let me just tell you things do get easier. Your faith will help you navigate through these tough times. Sending you all the good vibes.

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  12. Courtney wrote:

    My daughter will be 6 months next week and we follow nearly the EXACT same schedule and intend to continue with it bc it WORKS! Don’t feel obligated to change it bc someone says to bc they hit a certain age 🤷🏻‍♀️ And 100% get the doona! It’s very easy to use without a base as well! We’ve traveled with it once and will again next week!

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  13. Megan wrote:

    You are not alone. I have an almost 6 month old and own my own business where I’m currently working from home. It’s so so hard. I rely on my husband for so much but then I feel guilty for missing time with the baby but when I don’t, my business suffers. It’s just so hard to find a balance right now. Thank you for writing this and being so honest.

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  14. Christina wrote:

    You are definitely not alone with your feelings. My son is 6 months and I’m a teacher. I’ve been out of my school building since the pandemic, I worked from home the past school year. And this year I’m taking a child care leave bc our babysitter plans fell through. Of course I’m over the moon excited to get to spend this time with him- but I’m also SO SAD to not be returning to the classroom which is crazy considering the kind of school year it’s probably going to be. Either way, being a new mom is HARD and sometimes social media makes it look like a piece of cake and that’s just fake lol so thank you for being real and sharing. It’s nice to know you’re not alone in your feelings❤️ You’re doing a great job with Louie he is lucky to have you as a momma.

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  15. Liz wrote:

    Thank you for sharing how you’ve been feeling. I have an almost 6 month old and I’ve been feeling the exact same way. Feeling alone and feeling like no one understands is scary so knowing that others feel the same makes me feel more calm. I wish people talked about this more, even within my friends I don’t feel like enough of the honesty is shared. thank you for opening up and sharing the good and the bad. I know I appreciate it and I know other mamas will too. <3

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  16. Gina wrote:

    Hi Haley,
    Second time Momma here (4 weeks PP). All of this resonates with me so much. Especially this time around. 4 days after our sweet girl arrived, my sweet Momma was suddenly taken from this world. PP is hard and emotional and stressful and sad but couple that with grief, immense sadness and heartbreak. It’s just two things that shouldn’t go together. It’s debilitating.
    Nursing was a no go. It was too much. I had to much emotion wrapped up in the loss that I couldn’t focus on that. I had to travel for services and left my sweet family home for that. You know people (strangers even) said things like “oh you must not be nursing” or “oh pumping during travel must be hard”. Nope. None of this is okay to say. Comments on my body looking like I was never pregnant. Family I haven’t seen in years saying things like “didn’t you have a baby like a minute ago? How do you even look like that?” These are things are not your business and not compliments. All you’re doing is showing your insecurity while making me feel like I’ve done something wrong by having a baby and losing my mom at the same time and my body suffering from the tragic loss.
    PP anger is a real thing too. Don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s not normal. It is very real and I suffered hugely from this after my first. I am sorry you’re feeling that way and I feel you very much! It is a season but it can also feel like it lasts forever. You’re not alone. Hugs and support from Washington 💜

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  17. Claire wrote:

    I’m not in your shoes right now as my girls are older (5 and 9) but I’ve definitely gone through times where I’ve felt lost and like I’m just their mum and nothing else. Not “just” because being a mum is such a hard job – and I know that rationally- but I remember thinking and feeling like I’d lost myself during those times and given up my whole self to motherhood. I did find a little bit of childcare and some part time work gave me back my identity. It doesn’t have to mean Louis is out of the house but even having a nanny one day a week to take him to the park or play with him at home for an afternoon so you can take a little break might be a great stepping stone towards finding yourself again and feeling more centre.

    On another note I’d love to read more of your honest posts and how you truest feel about any topics – motherhood or otherwise. I haven’t been following you long but it’s so refreshing to have someone talk about anything openly and and honestly on Instagram. If that makes some people feel uncomfortable so be it. We only get one life (that we know of!) and you should live your truth!

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  18. Hani wrote:

    Thank you Haley for sharing your honest thoughts and challenges. ❤️Motherhood is most certainly hard. We often forget that it was not too long ago in the short span of human existence that we all lived in close quarters – grandmothers, aunts, and cousins helping to raise babies. If those roles did not exist, we would not exist as a species. Even after we became “civilized”, everyone lived in the same block, same town. “It takes a village” to raise a child as they say. I agree with above poster, spending time on social media gives one a comparison complex. Everyone needs a break from social media from time to time or to really be cognizant of it while you see pictures of moms who quickly bounce back, all dolled up, have childcare handled right away and seemingly thrive. Like you alluded to in your post and a commenter posted above, it’s all a facade. I can’t tell you how many so-called influencers I have stopped following this year who do not speak up or even post ONCE about real issues – the importance of getting vaccinated and our collective health, BLM, Middle East crises. Yes, following these people gives us a short-lived break from the hard news of the day but let’s also be real. I appreciate your realness and that’s why I enjoy following along your beautiful journey. As you’ve said many times, it’s a season in life. But really, as I’ve learned now as a mother and eight life in general….you can have it all; just not all at once. Take care Haley!

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  19. Jenn wrote:

    You are so brave to share this. I went through the exact same thing. Mine was pretty terrible in the fact that I truly did get clinically depressed for a bit. But, with the help of my doctor I was able to get out of it! I think I began to feel more normal around the 9 month mark. Definitely by the 1 year mark. I love that you’re being so open!! Thank you! Sending prayers from the states!!

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  20. Allison wrote:

    You are so incredible, Haley! I have never commented on an influencers post like this before but I’ve been following you for years so I’ve seen your whole journey and I am just so in awe of you, your honesty, and your willingness to be vulnerable and share your truest heart with so many people! And beyond that, you always take such care to anticipate and proactively respond to comments that you might receive while not letting that stop you from openly sharing what you are feeling, thinking or experiencing – what a hard balance to strike! I am just so impressed by you and from one FTM (3 months ahead of you) to another, wanted to share my admiration. You are amazing. <3

    Published 9.2.21 · Reply
  21. Roxane Artz wrote:

    I have to say I love all your honesty about being a new mom! It truly is hard and I believe it is the same for all moms but like you said, we are afraid to say it out loud! I empathize with you because you had a baby during a difficult time in the world, plus a new location and no family close, especially not having your mom. You are being a wonderful mother to Louis, but you do deserve some me time! I hope that you soon find a home to get settled in and please find yourself some help with Louis, even 2 days a week! I know you will have a wonderful time visiting your father soon and you will feel great just having some extra help with Louis and a little break back to the states. You and John should be so so proud of yourselves, you both are doing a great job being new parents! Again, enjoy your visit in the states and take advantage of the extra help! Safe travels! 🥰

    Published 9.3.21 · Reply
  22. Kyla wrote:

    I’m just here to say I know and feel exactly how you’re feeling (minus a new baby!) I also moved to a new country a year ago (Denmark) because my current husband is Danish, long story but it brought us back to DK from the US. I am SO blessed to be here, have so many reasons to be happy, yet I’m finding it so challenging to figure out who I am here and where I belong! I’m learning a new language, not understanding everything around me is a huge challenge as well. My husband doesn’t quite understand my frustrations and sadness when he is trying so hard to give me everything (and he does!) I just feel like I’m starting over entirely and not sure where to plant my feet. Your post resonated with me a lot and I appreciate you for sharing it- moving abroad has its own unique challenges that not many can relate to. You got this!

    Published 9.4.21 · Reply
  23. Barbara Venezia wrote:

    I’ve had similar feelings for a whole other reason! I’m a new empty nester and I honestly don’t love it. I have 4 kids (adults now) and life was so busy. I also worked part time once they were in school. Now some days I am home all alone all day and just feel like “is this really all there is?” And like you I have so many blessings. But it’s a big change and adjustment. Still navigating it.

    Published 9.4.21 · Reply
  24. Ali wrote:

    ALL of your feelings resonate so clearly with me!! We’re now well passed the baby stage with my two turning 11 years and 9 years soon, BUT I still remember the feelings that new motherhood brings. All of those thoughts and feelings are so normal and natural. I attributed mine to a touch of post partum depression and the massive life change of becoming a mother. It can all feel so overwhelming, defeating and I dare say a little hopeless when you’re used to living by your own schedule for years and then suddenly life as you know it changes for one tiny person. I can tell you it does get better and you will feel lighter around the year mark – or at least I did. Being a slave to baby’s schedule can be demoralising and isolating, then you struggle with the guilt for feeling that way. Ugh! Being a new mom is so hard! BUT, it will get better even though sometimes it feels like it won’t. In the meantime offer yourself loads of grace, self care and talk, talk, talk about your feelings. Getting it out will help! Xxx

    Published 9.4.21 · Reply
  25. Danielle wrote:

    I loved your honestly in this post sweetie!

    Danielle | thereluctantblogger.co.uk

    Published 9.4.21 · Reply
  26. Cathy J wrote:

    I think everything you’re feeling is so normal!!! You’re doing amazing, mama. The two things that’s really helped me were 1. Accepting that it was ok to lean into motherhood & I gave up my career for a while. I was fortunate to be able to do that. Honestly in the UK with comprehensive maternity leave, most women take at least 6 months to a year off work with the baby. 2. Finding a group of new mamas to share all the ups & downs with. I relied on these women more than my partner most days as he was busy working so much. And in addition, trying to get back to regular exercise is huge! Find a gym with a good day care and make it a routine. You won’t believe the difference! Much love to you 💕💕

    Published 9.6.21 · Reply
  27. Jenny wrote:

    “I don’t know how else to explain how I feel other than to say I feel like a feather being blown around in the wind. I feel like I have no anchor. And it’s so scary to feel like that and to have nothing around you that feels familiar.”

    Wow, this resonated with me! It’s so strange because I know how painful this is for you, but as someone who is experiencing the exact same feeling, I feel so much less alone. I have literally said “I feel like I have no anchor” to my therapist the other day. I think what it comes down to is that we’re living in a world of uncertainty and then there’s another layer to that in that we feel a sense of loss of routine, when we’ve been conditioned our entire lives to expect – and need – that routine. Anyway, this is just to say that you are absolutely not alone in feeling lost. In fact, we’re all lost together. Sending lots of love. It will get better, I promise <3.

    Published 9.7.21 · Reply
  28. Kristin wrote:

    This mom stuff is hard. And I was a first time mom at 37. I was used to accomplishing everything I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. I Type A’d the heck out of my life. And suddenly this little person made me question my intelligence, sanity, instincts and patience. If I may, I’d like to offer you the absolute best advice I ever got from a friend when I was pregnant. She looked me straight in the face and told me, “the first year is not about you.” It sounds harsh, but it actually gave me so much comfort and set my expectations for the all-consuming needs of a baby. When I wasn’t progressing with weight loss, not about me. When I was awake at 2 am AGAIN, not about me. When my nipples were cracked and bleeding, so not about me. When I had to cancel lunch dates, not about me. When we couldn’t go on date nights, because we lived alone in a new city the Navy had moved us to, not about me. It became my mantra when I wasn’t doing it ALL perfectly. It gave me the space and grace of a year to not put expectations on myself. As long as my baby was thriving I could be easy on myself for not having the partner/mother/self triangle as sorted as I wanted. I stopped trying to cram things in that were about me knowing that at the end of the year, it would start to be about me again. And it was, miraculously around the year mark, these little humans are amazing. You can leave them with their dad for a long weekend while you reclaim yourself, your schedule is locked in and you KNOW you’ll get a shower that day, you will not always smell like formula and poop, they are hilarious and happy and you are rested and want to have sex again – a lot! Be gentle on yourself, give yourself grace and remember, in the most gentle of ways, the first year just isn’t about you. 🙂 But take comfort that it will be again and that this is just a season. Also, when they’re this age, their schedules change every 2-3 weeks it seems. You can make yourself crazy trying to create one, because as soon as you do, they will change it again. My little one didn’t sleep through the night until 7 mos (not about me) and then we Ferberized in 3 days because I was not the mom I needed to be with lack of sleep. And don’t stress about traveling, in hindsight, every mom of teens will tell you, traveling with them under the 1 year age, is actually the easiest traveling will ever be. Hope some of this helps. You’re doing awesome!

    Published 9.12.21 · Reply